How did you deal with grief in your relationship?

How did you deal with grief (your own or your partner's) while being in a relationship? How did it or did not affect your relationship? Did it change you or your partner? Did you take a break, break up or did you face it together?

I know tragedy comes in all forms and affects us very differently so I'm not looking for a magical solution. But I'd like to hear your insight, perspective, advice, opinions, or lessons you've learned.

For more details:

I've been with my boyfriend (close friend of 6 years) for a year and a half 6 months after he asked me to come live with him. He lost a close parent in the summer of 2025 and has been grieving ever since and even months prior. Basically, I stepped into his life almost at the same time as his grief. He's been devastated and I feel powerless. The cruel part is because I haven't experienced grief of that magnitude before, I can’t pretend that I can fully understand it. Only imagine.

I feel like it's been putting a strain on our relationship for a long time. He can be very distant, ignores me often, can bury himself in distractions for days, or doesn't always treat me with the same energy he gives his family, older friends or even colleagues. I understand that grief is overwhelming and all-consuming and that he does not always have the emotional capacity to feel or show romantic love and that it's easier to share his pain with people he is more familiar with, so I'm not looking to point a finger or blame him for anything. Also, I can see that he is making an effort to keep the relationship alive but I'm afraid that he's straining/forcing himself or even worse: pretending.

All in all, I sense a lot of hesitation and indecisiveness coming from him and it's becoming harder to differentiate between my own insecurities, a possible genuine indifference towards me, and his grieving.

And perhaps it is a weakness on my part but having sacrificed years of my life to care for a sick family member before this relationship and having experienced countless rejections from family, friends, jobs while living a life of codependency, I am reaching my limit of making myself smaller. Yet I do love him and I want to be there for him and support him even if it means taking a break or breaking up and staying friends.

I want to make sure I'm not making a mistake before taking a big leap, so we've been toying with the idea of individual and couple’s therapy. But in the meantime, doubt remains.

And because I know culture can play a big role in all this, I want to point out that my boyfriend is black Caribbean and I am a blasian islander from the Indian ocean.

Thank you for reading and for your potential answers.