how do you know?

I’ve (28F) been on the fence my whole life with having kids. Never felt strongly one way or another. My wife (27F) has always strongly wanted kids. About a year and half ago, we decided to look into foster care. I thought this could be a good compromise, mainly because it didn’t feel permanent. My wife got cold feet and decided she wanted to have a baby instead. We looked around at IVF clinics, and then I realized I really don’t want to be pregnant. My wife doesn’t really want to be pregnant either, but says she will if she has to.

Fast forward to now and I’m really doubting having kids. I like my life how it is now. I don’t want it to change. Everyone I know with babies or toddlers is freaking miserable. It looks like it sucks. Every time I talk to my friends they say “yeah, it’s different when it’s your kid”. Like how do you know that? There are so many cons on the list, I lean way more towards child free.

But I know my wife will leave me. She’s made it very clear the past six months she’s ready. She told me when she turns 30, she wants to have a baby in her arms. She “jokingly” told me that if we split up at 30 because I decide I don’t want kids, she’ll take everything (not like we have anything, we don’t own a house), but still.

She’s the love of my life. I love her more than anything. I keep waiting for the “want” to kick in. “One day you want kids” hasn’t happened to me yet. I don’t know how long I can keep waiting. It’s not fair to her or to me. This fucking sucks.