If you have this issue or are curious about it, and feel that the solutions on the internet about it aren't really... understanding the core of the problem, this is for you.

I've had the same problem. I even made a post about it here myself. it took me years to finally get a grasp on the issue.

I've outdone this problem myself, btw. I haven't "conquered the desire", I uprooted the desire fundamentally.

the answers you get online are usually limited to practicalities. "Stop watching porn", "do Somatic work", "get therapy", etc. in more advanced responses, the idea of a "maternal wound" or even analysis of your projections on the "Bull" may come up. Hell, some even say you should accept it.

but if you're anything like me (and I've wrote this post assuming that you are), this still won't... scratch the curious itch beneath the peculiar scar. So here's what I've found:

The Core Problem

from my experience

the true idea behind why we have such thoughts and urges, is actually superiority in the shadow, not inferiority.

it may very well be that the person you're having this fantasy with is simply below your standards, yet you ignore the intuition, fail to integrate your internal evaluation, and so it enters the unconscious. in that sense, you'll project the idea of someone who does hold their standards onto this person, and the most accessible way to fantasize that is against yourself.

your assessed superiority comes to light as inferiority; this may also happen in other, not exactly identical, but similar manners.

you may not have any partners or particular person to project this on, but still have an ego that fails to form standards, even mentally.

you even may have false superiority causing the issue. maybe, you've been brought up with an idea that you're somehow better than everyone, and you secretly, deep down, with guilt, believe in it. the rise of social media amplifies these tendencies of course, hence the public rise of the issue, in my opinion.

or...

I may be wrong and this is just a hunch but, regarding that, it should track if you tend love your real or imagined partner more deeply and actively than called for or reciprocated. hence the idea of "unfairly distributed love" manifests itself to you in twisted ways.

The Solution

is to understand & attempt to develop self-worth, and form a cohesive, solid sense of self. without external value systems, without ego, without comparative thinking. to learn to see oneself as a breathing part of the universe is essential. one simply cannot cuck a drop of water, in tune with the ocean. that's even funny to say out loud. that's all you are, after all. the universe is that ocean.

the way I discovered this was by trying a meditative practice, aimed at CPTSD; involving accepting yourself in your body & awareness of your spiritual presence. the more you become aware of the true, illuminating self within, the more the ego will defuse and, naturally it'll be like you never had the dark twisted fantasies to begin with.

the discovery was an accident too. after practicing that meditation, I just randomly noticed that the urge mostly just isn't there anymore - almost instantly.

also, quitting heterosexual porn either way helps as well, can't deny that. the last thing you need is watching other people have sex, while healing.

Final Note

All of this, of course, is my own internal analysis. it's not clinical, because there is no clinical answer out there. it took ages for me to get here.

I believe part of the reason this issue isn't as well-researched is the infamy for whoever chooses to speak about the subject, while it's a semi-natural part of the psyche, like almost any other psychological problem. even an iota of insecurity is enough to bar one from ever associating themselves with this subject. still, I believe this lack of attention to the "Taboo" matter will backfire in the near future.