How am I supposed to live like this?

How am I supposed to live knowing that at any moment I could wake up and be horribly depressed for no reason? If taking meds doesn’t make the illness go away then what’s the point? What’s the point in trying so hard to live normally just to randomly wake up and want nothing more than to die? I was doing everything right, going to the gym, therapy, meds, friends etc and I still just randomly woke up 2 weeks ago feeling depressed and hopeless. What’s the point in trying so hard if I’m still going to experience these symptoms? I feel like it’d be better to just off myself honestly than to go through a whole life never knowing when I’m going to tip back into a depression and not being able to stop it. No matter how healthy my life becomes I can’t escape this, it’ll always come back and I don’t think I can live like that.