Gun For Hire Corporate Jargon

Hello Mr. █████████, 

Good morning! I hope this transmission finds you well, as per my last email about the current target for capture, I was hoping you could follow up on the ongoing complications with its two companions.

Best regards, ██████

***

Dear Ms. ██████,

Good afternoon. I had a busy morning meeting and was not able to reply as soon as I would have liked, but you can rest assured that the team is currently pivoting our strategy in response to the deliverable’s two companions. We are doing everything we can to get enough information about them, especially the human to make our freelancers and your team more effective. 

████ █████████

Head of Communications

Lotuses Inc. 

***

Hello Mr. █████████, 

That sounds perfect, do you have any more information so far about the companions, because anything, even a half finished document and such would really help move the needle in getting my team to get the deliverable in a timely manner. As you are well aware the faster we are able to complete the project the better, especially with the amount of press we are getting.

Thanks for your timely reply, ██████

***

To Ms. ██████,

Unfortunately we do not have the necessary clearance to give any information we have about them at the moment, however we can also circle back to it later. As we want a more holistic approach to this project, and we want to leverage any new information we do have to disrupt the current market. 

████ █████████

Head of Communications

Lotuses Inc. 

***

█████████

I understand, but I still think it is important to share as much information about these new companions with each other, so I would like to put a pin in that for our next in-person meeting. But, I think we can both agree this business is not exactly in our wheelhouse, at least the boots on the ground of it, so I added one of the team leads to this email chain,  ██-████. 

They attempted to get the deliverable once early on during the Victory Press incident, the closest anyone has come so far, and have since then been in more of the behind the scenes efforts, and have planned each subsequent mission for our team. They have been a great asset to our company and I think they’re expertise in this subject would really help your team’s and our’s synergy right now.

 ██████

***

Yeah, it’s ██-████, and honestly I don’t have a Goddamn clue what either of you chuckle ████s are saying. We keep sending guys to capture the Princess, that Theseus mother██████ keeps shooting them down with that loud ass human gun of his that shoots tasers. For some reason that █████ Scout is a good shot too now. All we need is more guys, more guns, and some body armor for God's sake. 

And write in regular Common, I still don’t know half of the ████ you two are blabbing about. We’re guns for hire, do you really think we went to college??? Stop with the fancy business school speak before I shove ██ ████ ██ ████ ██ ████ █████ ██ ███, ███ ██ ███████ ███ ████, ███ ███████ ██ Daddy. You suit wearing pricks.

I need:

1. More well trained men.

2. More taser rounds, and full auto SMGs.

3. Ballistic vests and helmets. The kinds that work against taser rounds, along with regular bullets. 

4. Ballistic shields. 

5. And for you mother██████s to speak normally. 

---

Author’s Note: I was suddenly reminded that corporate business speak exists. Yeesh.  

Vaguely important second note: This bonus one shot is part of a writing challenge in which I write and post something every day until I finish writing a series. I like having bonus chapters, which is why there is funny blue text at the bottom of the screen. But it is made to be enjoyed without reading the series. 

Thanks for reading. :} 

Day 13 / ? 

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