I asked my best friend out, she rejected me, and now I don’t know what to do.

A little backstory: Ive always had trouble making friends. Through high school, I had people who I talked to and were my ‘friends’, but whenever I reached out to them outside of school, the conversations felt shallow and forced. It just felt like
I was someone to kill time with during school. Then in the last couple years when sixth form started, my now best friend joined. We only met a year after she joined, but the connection was pretty much instant. We took the same A-Levels, we had the same humour, we would eventually even do the same degree. We could talk about anything and everything, and we both genuinely enjoyed each others company and highly valued eachother. We started messaging eachother outside of school almost instantly after meeting, and it felt like someone finally cared about me. Our friendship was platonic for most of the 3 years I’ve known her: the year after we met, the year after school ended, and our first year of university. I still struggled and failed to make any friends in my first year of uni, but she was always there for me, and I was always there for her. She had a tough first year with the people she lived with not treating her well which also made her feel isolated. So despite how lonely I felt sitting in my room alone, with no one to make plans with, I felt okay because she was someone who I spoke to everyday, and we were each others anchors.

Then I developed feelings for her just a few months ago. I wish I hadn’t, but I can’t control how I feel. It was almost as if the care I felt for her reached a tipping point, and I very quickly fell in love with her. I knew I’d have to tell her eventually. If I didn’t, I might end up acting cold or becoming distant when she began seeing someone, and I knew that if I never said anything, I’d never move on. So I told her yesterday but she didn’t feel the same way.

I didn’t tell her I loved her or anything like that. I kept it short, while also conveying how much I cared about her, and asked her if she would like to go on a date. She basically said that she’d never thought of us that way, she didn’t want to lose what we had as friends, and that she wouldn’t be able to commit when her course increased in workload. I told her she didn’t need to explain herself, that it was okay and she wasn’t obligated to feel the same. Now it’s been a day and things just feel off. Our interactions have felt tense and a little blunt. I can’t help feeling like I’ve ruined something good, and I’ve got no idea what to do next. I feel a bit broken, and I have this deep sense of loneliness like I did last year in uni when I had no one to talk to apart from her. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m hyper aware of the fact that unless my feelings change, our friendship might not last and that really scares me. She means so much to me beyond any idea of a relationship and I can’t imagine my life without her. Any advice would be really appreciated because I’m genuinely struggling right now.