[\[3891\] ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1vql7kj/untitled_chapter_two_3891_feedback_requested/)[\[2,655\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1vrhosj/2655_to_ashes_and_apples/) [\[1777\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1w1tblq/1777_01_tiffany_the_werewolf/)

TW: depictions of self harm and suicidal thoughts 

I'm looking for critiques on a [dark vignette ](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Al_Ffc-cp0VtvDYBiBhjBKZEZ9hXcqjs4ZD2qsh3A1c/edit?usp=drivesdk), I want to improve the emotional wieght of the peice and want to figure put how to go about that. I wrote this entire piece based on the last line of the story, I had an ending and I got there in a way that I'm very proud of. I have a few questions, nothing big.

[\[Google document\]](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Al_Ffc-cp0VtvDYBiBhjBKZEZ9hXcqjs4ZD2qsh3A1c/edit?usp=drivesdk)

* Is it a strong story?
* Does it evoke emotions?
* Did it change how you interpret the specific mental illnesses described in this story?
* Did I pace out the hysteria enough and build it at a proper tempo such that you didn't get sick of the obsessive thoughts?
* How does this piece stand out?
* What doesn't work?
* Is there a way to emphasize the really stand out thoughts that would add more emotional impact?
* How do you feel after reading it?

[4357] Flowers