AIO my girlfriend took her parents to a zoo 2 hours away, got them a hotel room and decided to crash at her “best friend”s (ex from 20 years ago) house.
I am not the OOP, OOP is u/Fremen_Dave. Originally posted to r/AIO.
Do not comment on original posts. Latest update is over 7 days old.
Trigger warnings: >!potential infidelity!<
Mood Spoilers: >!sad, but positive for OOP!<
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I (M39) and my partner (F38) have been together for just under a year (August will be the year mark) and she decided to take her folks on a random trip to the zoo that’s a couple hours away from where we live. This was intended to be an overnight stay as they’re older and don’t want to travel too much in one day.
Her “best friend” live in the city they’re staying near and she did plan on visiting him but texted me after he made her dinner, saying that his place is an hour away from the hotel where she got a room that her parents are staying in and she’s just going to crash in his guest room.
Now, I have a traumatic relationship history involving a lot of partners that have ended up being unfaithful and ripping my heart out. And she knows all of my history and we’ve talked at length about boundaries and triggers and we’ve both been very mindful about each others’ past traumas.
We’ve had an incredible relationship and so many wonderful memories, great communication and so much love and compassion shared between us. She’s my best friend and I can see myself with her for the rest of my life.
I told her I would happily pay for her uber back to the hotel and that this makes me very uncomfortable and crosses a boundary that just makes me feel sick. She called me and said that I’m making her feel controlled and that it’s not ok for me to not be ok with her spending time with her best friend as they are having a great time and good conversation and it’s making her want to withdraw from everyone and “crawl in a hole.” I explained that I think it’s wonderful that she’s having a good time and feeling safe and that my issue is not at all with this person or the time she spends with him, it’s about staying the night in another man’s home. I asked if she even had anything with her for an overnight stay and she confirmed that she did, so I suggested that it was the plan to stay there. She got very defensive and angry and pretty much said “I don’t know what to tell you” and said goodnight.
My heart is breaking and I feel sick. This isn’t a thing most couples would be ok with, right? I’m not crazy for feeling this way? I feel like this is could be the end of this relationship and I just want to go lie on the train tracks.
EDIT: Thank you for your kind and thoughtful responses. I don’t think she’s physically cheating on me but she did knowingly choose staying at another dude’s place over my comfort. And it is suspicious that it seems to have been planned as she has her overnight stuff with her. Our relationship hasn’t been full of problems but this is a doozy that I’m not sure I can get over. I’m not ok with this and I wouldn’t dream of even hinting at staying at another woman’s house unless she (my gf) and I were traveling and both staying with a friend. This really really hurts me. Not ashamed to admit I’ve been sobbing for about 4 hours now.
Relevant /Top Comments
Commenter 1: NTA. You have the right to disagree with her choice and the right to walk away. She thinks it’s fine, you don’t. Incompatible. Side note- I wouldn’t be okay with that from my partner, nor would I do that to them. Deal breaker for me.
OOP: Thank you
Commenter 2: That’s the classic response of a narcissist cheater. She blamed you, she said you are trying to control her. Which anyone would agree her actions are highly suspicious. She already had a change of cloths and she planned this the whole time. She’s been wanting to see them and they had sex that night.
Commenter 3: Deadass. It was all premeditated and they most definitelyyyyy hooked up. I’m so sorry OP omg i would crash tf out. Please take care of urself and don’t worry about a narcissistic cheater. thank god it happened under 1 year instead of like 6 years being together.
Commenter 4: She drove an hour away to his place but can't drive the hour back so has to stay there ??? 😭
I know people hate when others recommend breaking up but that's what I'd do. It's so suspicious and weird to even do.
Commenter 5: Interesting that she left her parents WITH NO VEHICLE in another city. WHO DOES THAT!
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(UPDATE) AIO my girlfriend took her parents to a zoo 2 hours away, got them a hotel room and decided to crash at her “best friend”s (ex from 20 years ago) house. - August 18, 2026 (~1 month later)
Hey there Reddit, I posted this a few weeks ago and wanted to provide some closure to those that offered truly helpful insight into the situation. I can’t thank you all enough for taking the time to respond in my time of brain-melting emotional spiral.
I’ll just get to it: After the events of my previous post, she said good night at around 2:30 in the morning. That morning, she sent me a good morning video of her alone in a guest room with the bed space next to her untouched. Later that morning her ex texted me saying that she said he should reach out and say hi (as she told me we’d be great friends) Upon her return, I asked for a conversation about everything that happened and for a chance to share my feelings on the matter. It turned into the worst fight that we’d ever had and again she talked to me in a way that just made me feel stupid and was very defensive and heated. It also came to light that they were drinking and that her shoulder was sore from him “pressing on her too hard” which she explained away as him comforting her after our call but then squeezed her shoulder too hard… I didn’t buy it. DARVO definitely came to mind as she literally told me “I’m the victim here, you’re putting chains on me and telling me I can’t have friends” it was like she couldn’t hear me the 100 times I told her that she could have all the friends she wanted and hang out with them, no issue. That my issue was deciding to spend the night at another man’s house, especially one that she has a history with and even more especially when there were a multitude of other options for spending time together. Eventually we got to a point where it was time to step away from the conversation and cool down. This went on for about a week. I kept thinking of the comments here and talked with trusted friends and my therapist about everything and knew that with no willingness to change behavior (let alone no remorse or apology) on her end. Things weren’t going to work out.
We had a last talk about things last Thursday and ended it. I told her I was going to take some space and time for myself over the weekend but in the future I would like to keep her in my life. I love her, I still wish so hard that things could be different but a life full of anxiety-inducing behavior from my partner and all the “not knowing” is a life no one should have to live when there’s a choice. There have been a few texts back and forth, sending each other encouragement and just basic checking in to make sure the other is ok but I haven’t seen her since Thursday. It’s really sad to me and I’m having a hard time with things. I’m proud of myself for doing the hard work of stepping away and I have new respect for my intuition so I guess that’s a positive thing I can take away from the experience. It all just hurts so much and I’m trying to believe I’m worthy of a committed partner that truly loves me and would make compromises with me. It’s difficult to feel that way after repeatedly being cheated on (maybe or maybe not in this case… but probably, at least in some way)
Time will tell, I suppose. For now, i have no desire for a relationship and plan to focus on me and my goals. Just trying to stay as healthy as possible while I recover and get my head straightened out. Lots of hikes, nature, time with friends, sketching and video games. Thank you all for your replies to the previous post. It was helpful to see that I wasn’t the only one who thought this behavior was not ok. Wishing you all well.
Relevant /Top Comments
Commenter 1: Good for you man. Onwards and upwards
Commenter 2: “In the future I would like to keep her in my life”
Yea good idea cause she clearly hooks up with her exes
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Posted Sep 21, 2026, 6:16 PM UTC