Feeling disconnected with my family

I love my family, but I feel quite disconnected from them a lot of the time and it makes me feel sad/guilty. They can be very judgemental of other people and overly critical. My parents are pretty negative about a lot of things, and often find something to moan about. They’re not happy/positive people (I know no one is happy all of the time of course). They’re very conservative and don’t like “emotional” people - they have that typical old fashioned view of “stiff upper lip” and just get on with it. They don’t want to talk about how they are feeling, or how I am feeling. I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about my feelings with them as I would worry they’re judging me. We also have very different political views. I’m a feminist, and my mum claims to be one too. Yet she’ll often make gross comments about how “women shouldn’t breast feed in public” and “why do pregnant women wear tight clothes to show off their bump? It’s weird. I used to wear flowy dresses to hide my bump. I don’t understand why you’d want to show it off”.

All of this makes me feel quite anxious when I’m around them. I feel like I’m being judged. I feel like I’m not good enough. I feel like I can’t relax and be my true self around them. We avoid political talks as much as possible now as it always leads to arguments. As I get older, I feel more and more disconnected from them. I feel like the black sheep of the family. I just can’t relate to them and their opinions.

I’m sure there’s a lot of people who can relate. I’d love to hear your stories so I don’t feel so alone. Also wondering if there’s a way I can improve my relationship with them? It makes me sad to feel this way. I just wish I could fully be myself around them and not give a crap about being judged.