JAKE AND AMIR-4/20

INT. OFFICE, DAY. JAKE IS SITTING AT HIS DESK TYPING, CUT TO AMIR WALKING INTO THE ROOM DRESSED AS A LEPRACHAUN, CARRYING A GIANT 4 LEAF CLOVER

                 JAKE
           No, dude, come on.

AMIR speaks in an extremely racist Chinese accent

              AMIR 

Ching, Chong, bitch! Pot of da finest dank stank at the end of this rainBLOW. Happy 4/20 you [censored], Namaste.

                  JAKE
 Racist, wrong accent, inappropriate for the workplace, crass, 
and racist again. Jesus dude, it's 9:30 AM 

            *AMIR Pulls out an empty Chicken Nugget Box*

                 AMIR
          Really, because according to my WATCH


                  JAKE
      That's an empty Chicken Nugget box


                 AMIR
     It's 4:20


                 JAKE

      No, that's an empty chicken nugget box.

AMIR pulls a scroll out from under his desk

                 JAKE
            No....

                 AMIR
             Top ten ways to spend 4:20, by Amir "Jake Hurwitz" Blumenfeld


                   JAKE
    STOP trying to attach my name to these offensive and illegal lists you make on these probably stolen scrolls.

                AMIR
     Number ten, you got it Frank Ben. I'm talking rolling up your finest hundred dollar bills and snorting the whitest white powder you can find. That's right, one iota of baking soda up this Jew snozzolla makes me fizz ova like Coca-Cola, BITCH!

                 JAKE
 Anti-Semitic, expensive, and much worse than weed. Is this the fucked up type of shit you've been doing tonight.

                AMIR
 Moving on like a freight train, number nine, a freight train. I'm talking lay your head down on those tracks and play chicken with yourself, waiting to pull away as late as possible and rushing off that sweet adrenaline.

                 JAKE
         Jesus.

                AMIR
         Number eight, YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK IF YOU DON'T LIKE
        MY LISTS. CUZ I WAS HIGH WHEN I WROTE THIS SO SUCK
       YOUR TITS!"

                   JAKE
        What?

                  AMIR
           Number seven, realize that maybe all these outbursts
          have been my way of coping. I guess I was always a bit
         wacky, but since I lost Lerona I guess, it's been, well, tough.

              *JAKE looks quite taken aback by this. He begins to tear up*

                   JAKE
             Yeah man, I guess, it's tough. Sometimes the guilt,
             the sadness, and the memories just haunt my...


                  AMIR
         Number five, LSD. Go on Dick Jagger, Taint it Smack.

                  JAKE
           God DAMMIT dude! I'm trying to reach out to you!

                 AMIR
           It's too late, Jake. Number four, let's smoke some more.
           then let's blow some coke out the ass of a whore.

                  JAKE
            Jesus, dude.

                  AMIR
             Number three, steal some pee before my probation
             officer drug tests me!

                   JAKE
                Come on dude...

                AMIR
            Number two....

         *AMIR tears up the list...*
     

             AMIR
         Shut up, just shut up and fuck off alright!

False ending

INT. Jake and Amir are clearly stoned in front of Sam's desk, and hand him this skit. Sam looks at it.

                SAM
           I can't use this. Give me something else.

                JAKE
           Well...I've been working on this rap.

                  SAM
              Get the hell out of my office.

                    AMIR
              Yes, sir.

 *Jake and Amir leave Sam's office. END*