[Script]-Jake and Amir- Spider-Man

Amir: This episode is dedicated to all the teachers who told me...

Jake: You're watching Jake and Amir

Amir: It was all a dream!

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Int. Office Day. Jake is at work typing at his computer and Amir is arriving, wearing a Spider-Man costume.

Amir: Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a Spider...

Jake: Nope.

Amir: Excuse you.

Jake: Excuse you

Amir: No, excuse you...

Jake: You just showed up to work at 2 PM wearing a Spider-Man costume. You've been late every day for the past 8 years, and when you are here I have never, not once, seen you do work.

Amir: Work is for grandmothers and dweebs, and guess what?

Jake: Don't say-

Amir: I'm have a pussy. Besides, have you ever considered that maybe I'm Spider-Man?

Jake: No...no I haven't.

Amir: I didn't want to tell you because my enemies might hurt you and with great power comes being responsible and shit-

Jake: Not how the saying goes

Amir: But yeah, I'm freaking Spider-Man.

Jake: Why do you think you're...

Amir:Four score and last night I'm leaving the Ds when I pass by the movie theater. They're playing this new Spider-Man movie and I figure, I have nothing to do and nobody who cares what I do...

Jake: So Sad

Amir: So I go and check it out. But the thing is, it wasn't even really a Spidey film. I go in and there are these short clips for movies that aren't even out yet with narrators talking over them.

Jake: Previews?

Amir: Whatever!

Jake: You're supposed to sit through the previews, then the movie starts

Amir: Anyway, I get tired of this thing and decide to light a joint in the middle of the thing, because I might as well blaze it up up in there.

Jake: You had weed with you?

Amir: Well it wasn't so much that as it was going to the bathroom and throwing lit matches on people while they shat.

Jake: Why?

Amir: It's called an origin story, jackash! Anyway, long story Edward Nort

Jake: What?

Amir: I get kicked out of the movie and bitten by some electric spider machine that the security guard is holding

Jake: You mean tazed?

Amir: No, bitten! And I throw up after, because it was radioactive! Then I got this costume from my cousin Leron's costume emporium!

Jake: I thought he ran a laser tag in NYC

Amir: He opened up a costume emporium on the west coast, he's the Jay Z Rockefeller of our time! And none of that matters, you know why?! Because I'm Spider-Man.

Jake: Just do your-

Amir whips his dick out and tries to pee on Jake

Amir: Web blast for you!

Jake: What the-