Prey. (Horror Poem)(X-Post from /r/OCPoetry)
Sharp and dull
The cold air contrasted
The walls grey
My body retracted
My knees tightly held by my arms
Strong. Cold. Alert.
Smells flirt with death
My body retracted
The opposite, in fact, impacted
My thoughts cold.
Strong. Alert.
Metal scraping stone and screeching from the torture
Was fuel for my fire, stimulation for this creature
Hesitation insisted I stay still
But the numb-less pervasion of my starvation for stimulation beckoned all four fours forward
And I leaped
No longer human
An animal
Abnormal
Experienced and almost tribal
Teeth piercing with grace
A red necklace to lace my neck
Haste Haste
And then nothing.
And then reality.
And then everything.
The beating of a heart is exhilarating
Pounding so loud
Obliterating any other sound
Pound, pound
First his, now mine
Now his WAS mine
I took it forever
For the better For the better
I took it forever
For the better For the better
(I originally posted this in r/OCPoetry, but I don't really like that community and I was hoping to get additional feedback here! Thanks!)
Posted Jun 26, 2014, 5:15 PM UTC
I haven't seen a lot of feedback on poetry here, but worth a shot. I like the story you wrote. From a form standpoint, I think some of your longer lines need to be reworked because they don't fit the meter of the rest of the poem, but I'm not a poet, so take that with a grain of salt. Thanks for sharing though!
Thanks!