How I got to be Eve's lamest kill of the day: Darwin Award Antics

For those who like to see nice chunks of isk obliterated:

https://zkillboard.com/kill/43500411/

https://zkillboard.com/kill/43500419/

I've had my fair share of spills in Eve. I'm isk-negative if you don't count highsec mishuns and playing the markets on an alt. But this one... Well I went down in such a perfect storm of shit, it only seems right to share whilst I reflect on my gigantic, stupendous number of mistakes.

Having taken a shine to the Great Wildlands for exploration, and it only being a modest distance away from TEST Stuff ©®™, I figured I'd plunk down for a few days and have at. There are stations in the Great Wildlands, but they aren't a great place to be, so I've made Uanzin in nearby lowsec home. Since the station cannot be bubbled, and since I have been using a loki and a buzzard, no chance in hell I can die, right? Obviously barring retardation and disconnects. Well, I'm encumbered with the former.

This is something of a cautionary tale. You know how you're always told to give lots of shits about your overview, kids? That's for a good reason. Instead of bothering with some as specious as reason, I spent a week pissing into the wind. The week before this, I lost my OS install. Just completely hosed. Fresh install, Eve with it. Naturally, the overview is fucked back to the default. Whatever, I'm just running exploration, who cares? I even run a few exploration sites, culminating in a standard sleeper cache that I fit a modest defense for, including an XLASB.

Building on this, last night, I got my brother to drop off some modules and whatnot, pick up some stuff to bring back to Jita. He docks at the station for the first time ever, seconds before down time. Realizing this is a bad place to be, I want to give him my insta-undock bookmark. With seconds before the node shutdown, I fumble and figure out how to trade it to him. Server goes down, all is well.

Today I got home from work, and thought "Hey, it's about time I use my second monitor with Eve!" I go fixed window, 3840x1080, offset the camera. Perfect! Figuring I'm just in a lowsec system, I undock to check the positioning of everything in space. The overview and chat, neocom, all where they're supposed to be, but the capacitor and modules are right in the middle, split across two screens. So I make a 2 billion isk mistake. I immediately undock again to move it.

I undock, flash tab into chrome and then back to the game and click the wrong part of the capacitor trying to move it. Or, more correctly, I click into space. The ship's course alters and I know I just lost my invulnerability. I check the station and it is 4K away. Fuck. I was gonna warp to my instant anyway... WHERE'S THE BOOKMARK!? I fumble for precious seconds before it clicks that I really must have fucking given it to my brother. It's gone. Only in fucking eve . . .

Someone is here with me. 2 seconds after I see them, I'm scrammed, 5 K is a damn long way back to a station in an exploration MWD fit loki, especially when the MWD doesn't work. Other shit has undocked and begins locking and pounding. I double click back towards the station and try to figure out my shield, cap, and modules, which are still shit-split across two screen. THE XLASB! As I click it, I see the nail in my coffin. Two charges. I never reloaded it after playing around in the sleeper cache.

I swear at this point I take more shield damage than I have up to this moment. After the last charge is gone, I'm dead within seconds, but already trying to save my pod, which has a lot of expensive implants. I fly to my overview to click on a celestial, but this is a mostly default overview. No planets, no star, just the one station, the gates, and enemies. In the time it takes me to miss clicking on and warping to anything worthwhile, the pod gets busted too.

Truthfully, I'm not even angry. I'm almost impressed. I let all the mistakes pile up, until critical mass was inevitably reached. I let the universe get all horned up, spread the lube, and then cosmically fuck me.

But damn it was lame.