Source
r/quittingkratom•
kratomhell

I'm an idiot (Kicking plain leaf)

I didn't play the tape through, as people say. I thought I could use kratom responsibly if I only stuck with the plain leaf - and didn't touch the FST that gave me so many problems before. Well, responsible use didn't last very long. I have been using daily, strictly once a day, but I have low grade WD symptoms all day til I get that evening dose. Not a fun way to live. It was really getting to me and I decided I needed to stop.

I am on day 2. The kick is obviously nothing like kicking a 3ml a day FST habit, but it's very uncomfortable. I hate myself for falling into this stupid trap when I knew better. I'm very depressed. I keep telling myself it's just WD, but I feel awful. I just want to crawl off somewhere and die. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better and that I have learned my lesson. I can't have a responsible relationship with this substance. Thanks for listening.

Posted Apr 15, 2015, 2:04 AM UTC

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Destroy_S-F_ProphecyDay 64•

I remember when I wanted to lower my intake before quitting I wanted to only take it once a day. Tried multiple times never lasted more than like 2 days. There was no right time to drink a single tea. If you take it in the morning you withdraw by night. And if you wait til night you withdraw all day. Sounds like you're there. As you Said yourself it's a valuable lesson learned. And honestly these types of lessons are things you can't learn anywhere else. Each time we gain deeper introspection into ourselves. We can see the true nature of the beast.

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kratomhellOPDay 41•

Yeah, it's just a slow torture of constantly being in mild withdrawals. It's not living, that's for sure. I'll give my self one pat on the back for not responding to this by using more frequently. But that's it. I hope this is the last time I have to fight this battle.

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LittleJohnson78Day 22•

I am in awe of you folks that come here and admit to a relapse. Such freakin courage!

I guarantee you that if you can find that strength in yourself, you can beat this shit.

Head up. Try again. Post often. You don't have to shoulder this by yourself!

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kratomhellOPDay 42•

It took me some time to get up the courage to admit I fucked up. But once I committed to seeing this through properly, I decided I really needed to post. Not only as part of my recovery, but hopefully to help anyone else feeling bad about a relapse. It's so easy to fall into this trap.

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[deleted]•

Do you think you would have found a way to use kratom if it were illegal and you had to buy from a dealer?

Day 3 is hard but focus on who you are not who kratom made you become. This was the key for me.

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kratomhellOPDay 41•

No, I don't believe I would. If I felt that desperate and had to score an illegal drug I would move on to more traditional opioids.

However, I don't support making it illegal. Some regulations - perhaps. More open and honest discussion about it - most definitely. That being said, I don't see how it will remain legal considering the known effects.

Day 3 is hard but focus on who you are not who kratom made >you become. This was the key for me.

Thanks, that's very good advice. I have found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed when I consider how long I have been using this crap (the better part of 3 years - started Feb 2012). I thought I was over this after the nightmare of kicking FST last year (never, ever touch that stuff). But I got trapped in the whole "I can use plain leaf responsibly!" mindset. The good thing is I think I have caught myself before it got excessively bad. The WDs are uncomfortable, especially the body aches and depression, but it's nothing compared to the nightmare I went through last August. Day 3 I would have still been thrashing around on the sofa. Today I have actually managed to be productive at work and go to the store at lunch. Anyhow, thanks for listening. I hope you are doing well at Day 13. That's fantastic.

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McFly444ClickToEdit•

Today and tomorrow will probably be the worst - hope you're dealing with it okay. You know what it's like to be off this stuff - it feels pretty dang awesome! - you just gotta drag yourself back to that place.

I know that sinking feeling of knowing that you full-on relapsed and have to go through the withdrawal process. But, it doesn't last that long - soon you'll be looking back on day 3 as a distant memory.

Hang in there!

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