Saw something I could not explain last Friday, years of psychosis now surfacing

Last Friday I drove with a friend out to a really remote area to do some astrophotography (just for context we're both exChristians). The evening was really peaceful, other than the occasional coyote howling in the distance we had an extremely relaxing night.

Toward the end we began packing up camp, about 1AM local, and we saw something in the glow of my friends headlamp that really defies all rational description. It appears to be a small bug at first, but the more we observed, the less it seemed organic I guess, we noticed it was following my friends headlamp with disturbing accuracy. I asked him to take a step closer and the object moved backward at one point.

I got within three feet of the object and I still cannot describe what I saw exactly, it appeared to be made of spheres that were oscillating fast enough to blur my ability to focus. The thing was no larger than 3-4 inches and I still don't know if I was seeing a thing or the result of something else, if that makes sense.

Anyway, all this to say I am now having a lot of my post deconversion anxiety again, totally irrational thoughts, feels like I am going insane.

Not posting this so you all believe me, I just wanted to share my experience. For the record we weren't using and me and my friend are both engineers. Not that we aren't easily duped, but if I read this I would give the typical smug reddit response and tell you to go post your fan fiction to r/nosleep instead.

Not sure I'll feel good going off into the dark at night for a long time. I've fucking relapsed hard.