Source
r/asktrp•
FelixCopy

Beat a sexual assault case and got a peace bond. Part of the process in RECEIVING the peace bond was attending counselling. The peace bond does not indicate continuation of counselling. I think I can just stop going. How should I go about it?

Hey guys, As the title says, I received a peace bond after kicking a bullshit sexual assault charge. They were initially threatening jail time, sex registry, everything. They had very little to stand on with this case so I battled it. I was prepared to make it all the way to open court. In the process my lawyer had indicated how counselling may help my case, in lawyer doublespeak. He then made it clear to everyone that I admitted myself in to counselling at my own volition. After a gruelling 10 months and a dozen expensive counselling sessions, I received a peace bond with no terms other than to not contact the complainant. It was explained to me by my lawyer that the counselling was seen as "pre-emptive probation" in that I won't have the burden of carrying a charge with probation around and they will save my (young) life/career this way. The lawyer recommended the counsellor who is affiliated with the law system in a few ways, but is not court appointed. He just seems to have pull within the system. My lawyer did not mention continuing counselling. The judge did not mention counselling. No one mentioned counselling, and to reiterate it was made clear that counselling was my decision to attend.

However, obviously, the counsellor has indicated that I should continue going to counselling. In the latest session, prior to receiving my peace bond, he indicated that he would submit a favorable letter about my progress with counselling (at this point the proceedings were waiting month-to-month for a letter from the counsellor) but that he felt court was a "stage" and a show of sorts. He indicated the letter had little bearing on my status and that I will need to continue my sessions.

I do not like this counsellor, he is seldom prepared for me showing up. I do not feel he is qualified for my issues. He is some sort of sex addict specialist and I have seen his clientele, I do not match up. My charge was basically getting handsy with a girl on a dance floor... My lawyer only recommended him due to his pull with the courts in my city. I feel I've accomplished nothing with this guy. I'm paying $150 a session. I've learned more online googling around than all of his sessions combined. Plenty of other reasons, I just can not justify attending a counselling session voluntarily where I am not accomplishing anything, let alone at this price. I I have been to a dozen sessions so its not as if I haven't given him/myself a chance. I went in with good intentions but honestly think therapy and counselling are a sham.

I had initially posted on this forum asking for help in this predicament. The comments were split in that I should either be a nice little beta and do as the counsellor wants until the problem goes away or that I should make the most of the situation since I'll be attending anyways.

I started out trying to make the most of the counselling sessions. They're shit. Useless. The posters here saying the counsellor just wanted me to be a nice little beta were 100% right. Eventually I had him write the favorable letter by "overcoming" the honest problems I showed him in the first few sessions (by thinking he was actually there to help me). I overcame these problems through progressive machiavellian planning in to showing my nice little beta attributes. I pretended to have a girlfriend that I'm hesitant to bang, among other planted stories. It worked like a charm.

How should I go about canceling? Obviously at this point I'm just leading a lie with this counsellor anyways. I've been considering shooting him an email saying that I've decided to switch counsellors and to thank him for all of his help. It will be fairly obvious that I just used him for the court, but I don't think it matters. How would you guys go about exiting this situation and moving on with my life? I beat 2 charges, I don't need a biweekly expensive reminder a city over about the bullshit accusation a year ago.

Posted Aug 19, 2015, 1:50 PM UTC

922
edwardhwhite•

Talk to your lawyer.

8
FelixCopyOP•

Thanks, but I'm mostly looking for a machiavellian way to cancel the sessions. It is fairly obvious to me that I can simply stop attending.

I think I came up with a good enough solution while typing this. That I should just say I'm switching counsellors.

2
edwardhwhite•

I am a lawyer. Do not be a fucking fool. One phone call.

5
FelixCopyOP•

The reason I made this post is to understand why or how I can make a foolish move here. I understand that you're a lawyer and you know best but you aren't really elaborating on your reasoning. There are too many traps out here to take anyone's word alone.

What would be a foolish move? A phone call is preferable to email? Wouldn't I want a paper trail? I'm not worried about him dissuading me via phone. What exactly should I say, a simple thanks but I will no longer be attending? Or should I just cancel and not book another appointment?

If you're alluding to the lawyer I've already spoken with him and he said counselling is not needed any longer.

0
edwardhwhite•

Then stop going. But don't make a move involving a criminal case until you speak with your lawyer. Tell the counselor you need the funds for something else and quit.

4
niczar2•

I would phrase it so as to make it seems it's his idea. Ask him how he feels about your progress, and what objectives he thinks you should strive for so as to consider these therapy sessions successful. Then interpret his response as if he was telling you you're basically done, and that it's a great relief because the cost is a big burden for your finances, and thank him for his service and you will recommend him on yelp.

1
FelixCopyOP•

I like this perspective and think I can work from it. Well done.

1
FrameWalker•

Ask your lawyer

2
FelixCopyOP•

Just emailed him.

edit: He clarified that I can cancel at any time. Off I go!

2
MrEiffelAskTRP Endorsed Contributor•

Every day I read this stuff on TRP it boggles my mind.

Land of the Free not even once.

2
FelixCopyOP•

It was a crash course in machiavellianism, navigating lawyer double speak, placing bait for counsellors.

Is there a term, similar to the 'red herring', where you indicate a perceived false problem for yourself to someone and then appear to have solved it before their eyes (i.e. I set the stage for problems to be solved for the counsellor and progressively appeared to have solved them before his eyes)? I feel like there has to be a niftier way to express this.

1
niczar2•

Great job! That's an application of various well known influence technique. You're using the reciprocity principle, giving him something he enjoys (proof of his skills, praise), so he's indebted to you. Self-consistency is also at work, he couldn't deny you because that would be admitting his therapy is worthless and that would cause painful dissonance.

1
iLLprincipLeS•

I overcame these problems through progressive machiavellian planning in to showing my nice little beta attributes. I pretended to have a girlfriend that I'm hesitant to bang, among other planted stories. It worked like a charm.

beautiful. i bet the counselor is bragging to his friends that he just tamed some punk.

How should I go about canceling? Obviously at this point I'm just leading a lie with this counsellor anyways. I've been considering shooting him an email saying that I've decided to switch counsellors and to thank him for all of his help.

make sure the first words of the email are thanking him for all the help, say you got your life back on track and just received a job offer from a nearby town, you would love to attend more but you literally don't have any time left.

2
FelixCopyOP•

beautiful. i bet the counselor is bragging to his friends that he just tamed some punk.

What's crazy is I received the opposite of help from r/legaladvice. They are a great subreddit and I was smart enough to not mention sexual assault. I did receive very good advice that set me on this course from a PM from a lawyer (he hooked me up with a student lawyer who hooked me up with a 10/10 lawyer).

One poster on askTRP among many told me to be a nice little beta for him. I didn't accept this information at first, but it stuck in my mind for nearly a year. One post can make a massive difference in someone's life even if its among a plethora of otherwise false information.

However they do not care about your ACTUAL success. They want to keep you down for their benefit, much like the rest of society. They will not give you machievellian strategy perspectives on solving issues. Which I guess is in their sub-description, legal advice, not life advice.

This is why posters come to TRP for actual help on a plethora of issues that obviously have their own subreddits. Its just not worth taking anyone else's advice, even if its for car repair.

1
iLLprincipLeS•

One poster on askTRP among many told me to be a nice little beta for him.

whoa, thought you figured this up yourself, it was obvious it was the right thing to do.

However they do not care about your ACTUAL success. They want to keep you down for their benefit, much like the rest of society. They will not give you machievellian strategy perspectives on solving issues.

So I finally took control of a situation that had otherwise been in the court's hands, looming over my head day-by-day that my demise could be any week now. Nothing can stop me, bitches.

hehe, looks it worked out for you anyway, this is what great people do. Aut inveniam viam, aut faciam

The Romans say that Hannibal was cunning and treacherous, and he certainly did display, on some occasions, a great degree of adroitness in his stratagems. In one instance in these preliminary wars he gained a victory over an immensely superior force in a very remarkable manner. He was returning from an inroad upon some of the northern provinces, laden and encumbered with spoil, when he learned that an immense army, consisting, it was said, of a hundred thousand men, were coming down upon his rear. There was a river at a short distance before him. Hannibal pressed on and crossed the river by a ford, the water being, perhaps, about three feet deep. He secreted a large body of cavalry near the bank of the stream, and pushed on with the main body of the army to some little distance from the river, so as to produce the impression upon his pursuers that he was pressing forward to make his escape. The enemy, thinking that they had no time to lose, poured down in great numbers into the stream from various points along the banks; and, as soon as they had reached the middle of the current, and were wading laboriously, half submerged, with their weapons held above their heads, so as to present as little resistance as possible to the water, the horsemen of Hannibal rushed in to meet and attack them. The horsemen had, of course, greatly the advantage; for, though their horses were in the water, they were themselves raised above it, and their limbs were free, while their enemies were half submerged, and, being encumbered by their arms and by one another, were nearly helpless. They were immediately thrown into complete confusion, and were overwhelmed and carried down by the current in great numbers. Some of them succeeded in landing below, on Hannibal's side; but, in the mean time, the main body of his army had returned, and was ready to receive them, and they were trampled under foot by the elephants, which it was the custom to employ, in those days, as a military force. As soon as the river was cleared, Hannibal marched his own army across it, and attacked what remained of the enemy on their own side. He gained a complete victory, which was so great and decisive that he secured by it possession of the whole country west of the Iberus, except Saguntum, and Saguntum itself began to be seriously alarmed.

1
FelixCopyOP•

I'm just now reflecting on some of the shit I did. At one point he had me writing these sort of logs of activities to show him what I've done since I last attended his session (he had a thought log too but I refused to do that one).

I told him that I ran with the idea since he first introduced it and I had an excel spreadsheet of mundane blue pill self improvement activities in each row, with each column coordinating with a specific date. I'd color in the activity Red if I failed to do it and Green if I succeeded. I coloured it all in backdating the last month with progressive improvement, print it and bring it to him to show him nonchalantly.

It felt great to finally be taking control of my life back in to my hands. When I first visited the counsellor I spilled my heart out, was vehemently forced to take a blue pill and I vowed to never return to this counsellor. My machiavellian lawyer called me in one day for a false status report to basically sit me down and reiterate how important this counselling is to my future success. I read between the lines and realized the sheer amount of power this counsellor holds over my life. So I finally took control of a situation that had otherwise been in the court's hands, looming over my head day-by-day that my demise could be any week now. Nothing can stop me, bitches.

1
redpillcynic•

the counsellor has indicated that I should continue going to counselling.

He's taking you for a sucker. Stop paying that charlatan

2
hard-trp•

Forget the attorneys. Just do whatever the next few commenters suggest, you can't lose.

2
1NV0K3R1•

If you want to stop going, stop going.

1
FelixCopyOP•

Yea, fuck this. I don't need a constant month-to-month monetary punishment in some shitty counsellor's office. I'm free now.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1