Source
r/breakingmom•
lucyfour

How have other single mom's handled dating?

Last night, for the first time in about 2 and a half years, I went out with a coworker bar hopping. There was a group of us, all girls and one guy R. It was my first time meeting him and we clicked immediately. He's super cool, into gaming, and has a similar sense of humor to me. Unbeknownst to me, my coworker had been trying to get us to meet because she thought we would be a good couple.

Well, I guess her plan worked because he asked me to lunch and got my number. Which is weird, because he's pretty attractive and I'm a frumpy over weight single mom who still lives with the baby daddy. And I keep trying to just go with it, but my brain keeps making up reasons why I shouldn't date this guy. Most of it is guilt that I am betraying my ex (super fucked up and confusing considering our history).

Some of it is that he said somethings that worried me. When I mentioned I had a son, his first response was that he loved kids. I don't know why this bothered me. He also talked about his ex that he's been broken up with for a week and how she's in rehab for alcoholism. Then later on we were walking to the car and he asked about my living situation. I told him that I still lived with my baby daddy, but I was unhappy about it. R then asked if it wanted to get an apartment with him instead o_O

This it's the first guy that I've been interested in since my ex and I feel overwhelmed. Between him coming on to me very strong and my history rushing into relationships (at 18 I got engaged to a guy after 1 month of dating, had son with baby daddy after 6 months of dating) I'm fucking scared of making and other mistake.

Any advice or life expiriences other single BroMos have would be greatly appreciated!

Posted Sep 19, 2015, 6:33 PM UTC

77
WWLadyDeadpoolBaby girl•

R then asked if it wanted to get an apartment with him instead o_O

If he wasn't joking...huge red flag! I'm guessing you were getting the 'He wants a ready made family' vibe too?

It'll probably be easier to establish a healthy relationship once you get out of the living arrangement with baby daddy, unless you guys are planning on maintaining this so your kid doesn't have to be shuttled?

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lucyfourOP1 Bobman 5/2014•

I don't think he wants a ready made family, but he had said to me before that that he was looking for a girl that wasn't "crazy" to start a family with and I think he figures since I already have a kid I would be open to more. It was more the desperation that I sensed from him that was weird, and the fact that I was coming out maybe an hour after we met.

5
VladTheSoviet•

I've tried to get back into dating, but this time I want to be really cautious, so I'm taking it suuuuuper slow. I've had a few guys come on really strong and that's not good with me. If this guy was actually serious about getting a place that is a huge issue! Oh my gods!

2
lucyfourOP1 Bobman 5/2014•

That's the thing, I have no idea if he was being serious. I was rocking a pretty solid buzz, and he was sober. I was telling my coworker, who's his good friend, what he said and she was just like "yea, he says stupid shit like that, especially since he's been depressed over his ex". Which I could understand, but it was still weird.

My uterus is making this so much harder for me, because he is so. goddamn. hot. Like 6'+ tall, nice lips, blue eyes, strong build, rides a motorcycle hot. And he asked me out, it feels like a joke.

3
VladTheSoviet•

Haha stupid uterus! Hopefully it was just a joke, in which case it's cool. And I understand, I'd be the same if someone that hot asked me out!

2
1personpizzaparty•

I got back into dating almost four years after leaving my son's abusive father. I went out with a guy my best friend met on OKC, they "dated" for two weeks and she dumped him because she didn't feel anything. I met him during a group lunch(us ladies, our sons, and the dude). We were friends on Fb after they broke up because he was nice and I saw no reason to delete him. I, in an attempt to cure my depression started to draw again and posted a daily sketch, which made him notice me, because he does drawing and pottery. He started liking and commenting on everything. I talked to my friend and she gave me her blessing to talk to him. We went on an amazing first date to a hibachi place and then the movies. I had a great time, but I got so nervous that I rejected him before the second date. He stepped back and let me calm down for a few weeks and then we started talking again. We ended up hanging out one night after I got back from a work party, he held my drunk ass all night and never tried to make a move. We were inseparable from then on. We'd go to work and then always meet up at my house because of my kid's bedtime keeping me on lockdown. We'd watch movies or draw together and he'd stay the night. He moved in at my request after two months or so, I was pregnant about three months after that. Our son is almost four months old now, we're engaged, my oldest son adores my fiance, my family loves him. He pretty much singlehandedly cured my depression. I'm so glad I FINALLY let myself date or I might not be alive today. Everything happened so fast, but everything felt so right.

What has forever stuck with me is when I asked repeatedly why he wanted to be with someone who had a kid, he told me "nice people shouldn't be penalized for having children."

2
lucyfourOP1 Bobman 5/2014•

Thank you for saying this. I've been having a hard time lately and feeling like I'm just going to be alone forever, because I'm just so broken down. I want to move on from my ex, but it's hard when we are still living together and trying to co-parent without killing each other. I'm glad you found someone, it give me hope!

1