What do INFJs like to be recognized for?
What types of things do INFJs generally like to hear about themselves? Things that really make them feel like people understand them
Posted Jan 8, 2016, 3:37 AM UTC
946
There are two INFJs in my Shakespeare class who, for some reason, keep getting their spotlight moment, when speaking in front of the class, cut short, shut down, or stolen of by the teacher. The INFJs usually are still in a rich train of thought so it's taking them time to make the words, which are beautiful, but slow. When the teacher tries to hurry them up, sometimes abruptly, or even by arguing, or changing the topic, I notice that the INFJ looks very sad. I mean, who wouldn't, right? But I've never seen it affect someone like it affect an INFJ, and it made me very sad. Why would you shut someone down who is only taking long because they have so much to offer? =(
So every time they speak, I always make sure they can tell there's at least one person in the room (me) who is giving them devoted attention and respects what they have to say. Whether it be eye-contact, nodding, undivided attention, or somewhat of a body-language communication of "Hey, I was actually listening to what you were saying!" I've noticed the INFJs take notice too, and that they smile.
So yeah, maybe to be appreciated?
EDIT: Today, I did that and I noticed it changed this INFJ's facial expression from sad to kind of appreciated very quickly, but it could easily be anything else. Well, it happened when she was still up there. I don't know.
25
This is exactly it! You're a great person for doing that, too. I recently had a writing class, one of my first, where we had to participate in discussion each class. Articulating what I wanted to say was hard sometimes, but my professor would always wait for me- even if there was a moment of silence between my thoughts. In the end he told me I was a great writer. It was the first time I'd been recognized or appreciated in a course, and I'd never realize how good it felt instead of being shut down. Learned something new about myself from that professor, they were great.
4
What a good professor! I appreciate you INFJ's - you guys really teach me how to use my NF in different, and in my honest opinion, better ways - to certain extents. Thanks!
Does the INFJ's desire for appreciation ever become negative, like say this random example, going too far to be liked?
3
I think it could. I can only speak for myself, but I have a hard time if someone doesn't like me. Others can brush it off, but it really continues to bug me. I worry that others don't like me if they don't express it immediately, which I think could be considered annoying. If someone didn't like me I'd continue trying to prove myself to them or appeal to some side of them until they did.
2
I've always had a big problem with that before. But what if the person is a certified douche? Does it then change things to where you don't then care about their opinion? So does it only apply to people who you would enjoy to like you, but you don't know why they dislike you?
1
What sort of dislikings? Does it ever become overboard to handle if instead somebody just absolutely hated you? How do you guys deal with bullies/trolls/assholes?
1
I spent my last few years of high school believing I was dumb because my friends would always compete with each other to be superior. And so I took their attitude towards me as a sign that I was stupid and I started to fail tests (where previously I would come first in my year). So that did go too far.
And so now, a lot of the time people I've just met tell me that I'm smart - completely out of the blue and off topic. And I really appreciate that.
2
Do you deal better with those things now?
1
Wanting to be liked by others is what made me an altruistic person and taking this too far can cause allot of hidden resentment toward others even when they have done nothing really wrong. Thankfully over time I have learned one needs to be selfish from time to time in order to keep their sanity. So a healthy balance is required and learning what that balance is, is important.
1
Resentment because they don't like you? Did this person necessarily have to do anything else? Could you explain more? I come from a similar place of wanting to be accepted, but instead of resentment, I believe it could be something worse I do.
What do you mean one needs to be selfish? Could you explain on that? I wasn't sure if you meant that "YOU" must be selfish. If so, how so?
2
This is so completely true. Thank you for being the awesome kind of person we need.
4
Haha, aw thanks! I didn't know how impacting this is. I'm going to keep it up, thanks for your appreciation of me! (ENFPs need it, too!)
2
It's always frustrating to be interrupted. it feels good when someone else also acts as frustrated with the person doing the interruption as you are.
1
Yes! Like how it feels better when someone else across the room in class laughs out loud with you. But for whatever problem, most people just don't get it, when they should, catch my drift?
2
yeah, when I was younger (late teens?) I was told I had a dry sense of humor but people who know me usually get my jokes even if it takes them a few seconds to think about it.
1
If I gave a speech and that happened to me with no one even listening I would probably break down.
It's really nice of you to give them your undivided attention.
1
I don't need recognised for anything nor do I really care to be. All I want is to know that I'm appreciated and that I'm wanted or needed.
10
I love it when my loved ones tell me I balance them out. I think it's the best type of complement because it's not all about me, but how we mesh together. It makes me smile all the time.
6
or someone says they notice when I'm not around.
1
I don't know if this is appreciation necessarily, but I really like it when people pick up my quirks and nuances. One of my friends is really good about this. Like, "I notice whenever you're feeling ____ you have a habit of doing ____." It makes me feel understood.
5
Nothing feels quite as good as when someone says they are impressed with my music.
4
I second this. Introducing new music to people with completely different preferences is a little daunting, but when they actually enjoy what I show them it's like fuck yeah!
2
I was talking about whn people appreciate music that I've made myself, but now that I think about it it is also satistfying when someone enjoys stuff I introduce them to. :)
3
Honestly, I most like to hear that my insights were helpful or inspiring to someone.
I end up writing a lot of spontaneous 5-paragraph essays online to elucidate ideas that I have or distill wisdom from my experiences for other people. I love connecting dots in new ways, because it means I can pass my intuition on to others. And what's the point in understanding something if I can't use it to help others?
3
Every once in a while, after a long, deep one-on-one conversation (I live for those conversations!) the person who I happen to be talking with (this has happened with several people) says something like: "I always enjoy chatting with you because you make me think about my life in new ways." That's pretty much the best compliment anyone could ever give me.
2
I think just being acknowledged as an individual is enough for me. Growing up as an extremely introverted kid, I found that it was really easy for other people to complete disregard my existence. I guess a lot of my personal growth as a young adult has been catered to being able to connect with other people (in a healthy manner, mind you) on a meaningful level.
2
Maybe this is why I have feel... uncomfortable when thinking about being forgotten or left behind.
1
I think to feel understood, someone who is genuinely interested in me as a person would make me feel appreciated and understood. Things I would like to hear are real compliments about aspects of my character, personality, etc.
2
INFJ's (and I imagine others as well) have ideas. Because we idealize and place the gears for our own machines, we love when our ideas are recognized
2
Someone saying "good job" or when talking about a task I'm doing or just completed.
"I enjoyed that", "Thanks for [fill in the blank]", "I enjoy your company" are things I've enjoyed hearing in the past.
1
I usually pickp random gifts based on inside jokes or something a friend casually mentioned.
I just emjoy being told thank you.
1
"Thank you, really"
1
Just to be appreciated really. I don't need a lot of fanfare. Just genuine appreciation goes a long way.
Yup. Even if it's about the smallest of things. If it's genuine, then it means a lot.
that is true...key word being: genuine. i have a sensitive BS radar. ;)
Exactly. Just a quiet little "thanks" is enough.