I don't vent often, but I was REALLY pissed off today.

TL;DR at bottom.

 

I met one of my best friends, we'll call him "D" in my Freshman geometry class. He and our other HS best friend (we'll call him "Z") did nearly everything together for 4 years. We spent our summers working at scout camp, we all took up longboarding, we played the same video games. We were best friends. I will never have a friendship like I did with him.

Last February I announced I am no longer Mormon. D didn't take it well, but I thought he could handle it. Since I wanted to keep as many Mormon friends as I could I decided that I would try to not post anything negative about the church.

Later that year in May, I was one of his groomsmen at his wedding. I decided to wait outside the temple for him. While outside, I was asked by several people why I wasn't there. It was uncomfortable, but I braved it because I cared for him. I had decided that I wouldn't bring ANY attention to my leaving the church, because the celebration should be focused on his marriage.

During his reception, the shaming didn't stop there. All anybody could talk about were their missions, which I didn't go on. I couldn't start a single conversation about anything other than a mission. There was one guy in particular that couldn't take a hint. He asked where I served, and I said I didn't. He happily said I could be a mission president later in life, to which I said that wasn't gonna be in the cards. He didn't get it, and kept saying things like this for 3 days straight.

We only hung out once more last year in June. While hanging out, his wife privately asked if the reason why we had left was because we were offended. It was sad...

We didn't talk anymore last year. I wished him a merry Christmas, but he didn't bother to reply.

 

Today I found out he has unfriended me. I was surprised, because even though we didn't talk much, I thought because of our relationship in high school, we were still friends.

I decided to ask Z what he thought I should do. He said I should just ask him why. So, I decided to do that. This is that conversation:

Me: Hey D, did I do or say something to upset you? I was thinking about you and looked you up and saw we aren't friends on FB anymore. Even though we don't see each other often, your friendship still means a lot to me.

D: We are definitely still friends but to be honest I was sick of your anti crap. I just don't wanna see it or hear it or anything with it. I don't mean to offend you bro.

Me: I'm just confused. I purposefully almost never post anything negative about the church on purpose. I'm going back through my feed to see what I've posted and I've barely posted anything related to Mormonism. I don't want to upset my friends like I've upset you. I will gladly cut back even more if it means I get to remain your friend.

He didn't reply after that. I doubt he will.

I wasn't surprised thats the reason, but I still felt bad he felt that way. So, I sought Z's opinion, and this is that conversation:

Me: I don't post a bunch of negative stuff about the church do I?

Z: Ummm... I don't exist on Facebook a ton, but from what I've seen, I'd say it's a bit excessive.

Me: Gosh... I didn't think it was... the last year I've only posted 5 things out of like a thousand posts

Z: Honestly I think it was more around the time that the whole baptizing kids that had gay parents policy came out that there seemed to be an excess. Again, I don't really exist on Facebook, so I don't see a ton unless it's brought up by someone.

Me: Yeah, I tried to keep that to a minimum. I think 2 of those are about the policy change. Anyway, I told D that I would cut back even more if I got to stay his friend. I don't hink he's really interested though unsure emoticon

Z: Why do you say he's not interested?

Me: I told him I was surprised cause I try not to post negative stuff often cause I knnow it upsets people. He made it seem like it was all the time. I don't know... I just got that feeling he thinks i'm the stereotypical version of an apostate. I've lost quite a few friends cause I've left the church.

Z: Hmmm... I can talk to him about it next time, but from what I could tell from talking to him last, that's not his intention.

 

Well, I wanted to find out if what they believed was true. Am I posting a ton on my facebook? After all, I have posted to r/exmormon over 500 times since I left last year. So, I decided to go back and catalog every time I posted anything about Mormonism. Here it is:

Date	"Anti-"?
2/6/2015	(day my shelf broke)
2/9/2015
3/10/2015	X
3/27/2015	X
4/4/2015
4/5/2015
4/16/2015	X
6/26/2015	X
7/9/2015
7/11/2015
7/28/2015	X
8/3/2015
8/10/2015	X
9/11/2015	X
10/29/2015	X
11/5/2015
11/18/2015	X
11/25/2015
12/2/2015	X
12/21/2015	X
1/4/2016
1/12/2016	X
1/19/2016
2/2/2016	(Day I found out he unfriended me)

I calculated that I make a post about Mormonism in general once every 16 days on average. (There were bouts that I didn't talk about it at all as long as 71 days though)

I calculated that I make a post that is critical of the church about once every 28 days. (longest bout also being 71 days)

 

I have determined that no matter how little I talk about Mormonism, my friends will always have a caricatured version of me. They think of me as the bitter, hateful, evil apostate. Honestly, I don't think people like that are my friends. At first I was hurt D unfriended me, but now I'm saying "Good riddance".

 

 

TL;DR: A had a really close friend. I was super tolerant at his extremely TBM wedding, and then he unfriended me because I was critical of the church on 12/1000's of my FB posts the last year. He said he couldn't handle this constant stream of "anti crap" (which was all from pro-LDS sources) and unfriended me. My other good friend also thinks I'm too critical of the church. Fuck them.