Left in a Dream

I'm trying to be serious, but my fear is I come off arrogant and what's clear is the only thing I can write about is depression and sadness when I feel it.   I find it hard to articulate waking up late on a Sunday morning with my mind feeling great eating a pancake my dad made with a knife and a fork I could find on my plate in my memories as well as today.

Instead I jot words I later find aggravating filled with thoughts of depression and being sedated and I fucking hate every time I can't create without feeling shitty or mistreated.

A word successful or defeated by chemicals in  my brain,  I feel cheated.

It's like a fucking hate you but I love you when my emotions come up in bubbles and pop in my psyche projecting me through an image of a troubled teen, a bad actor in scene from a health class video on a pull-down-to-retract movie screen.

That isn't me.

I want to describe what it feels like to swim without my heart sinking or the stars and satellites blinking to millions of people having the same experience as me.

Seeing the constellations I'm seeing in a coalition of human wist and wonder perennial and insistent on our race being inconsequential and insignificant. This I can find comfort in.

Because on one hand I can get a glock and punch someone's clock metaphorically.

Get labeled insane in the membrane Cypress Hill gang or make it rain bullets from a crane and not care that I left blood in the drain.

But on the other I'm free to create a life of my own happy and free until I can't wait to get my clock punched and I'm done with my time.

Dying without defeat. My body no longer radiates heat. My feet are blue and and my heart skips every beat left for posterity alive only in memories and dream.

All that's left is a dream.

Author's notes: I feel like a write poetry a little bit on the nose any long winded so it would just be nice to get some honest feedback. If you read the whole thing thank you.

Edit: line breaks

http://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/44jtnm/linear/czqqina

http://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/44gnh6/crumbling_friendship/czqqmmd