First post. Feel free to not be kind.
Yes, I realize it's kind of a Dylan Thomas ripoff. I wrote it about five years ago and had forgotten about it until I found it again recently. Lemme know what you think.
Our good-luck charms, all smug in their positions,
betray the folly of our infancy and
crashing down on Earth-bound beds,
wake the slithering ghosts of yesteryear.
These plasticine shadows of our own wretched labor
Fall under the weight of categories,
And spinning through the vortex,
Deny the allure of
The breaking of bottles,
Left and right,
The cursed shore,
The rising tide,
"Am I supposed to be here?!"
And we wink our reply.
Feedback given:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/45ldqq/rise_millennials_sit/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/45e2nj/adventures_in_rodentia/
Posted Feb 14, 2016, 6:52 AM UTC
I'll echo SongOfAstrus here - can't really think of anything negative to say on the piece. 'These plasticine shadows of our own wretched labor' is a particularly well-written line. Overall solid work.