Source
r/OCPoetry•
L147

Apathetic. Apathetic. Apathetic.

Feedback Received!
          Today I don't function.
             Don't function.
      It's not today.


              Dragging.
    Days that are worth nothing.
 What a trash, someday I'm going to die.
                  I'm going to die.
       Not today.
                I don't feel like.
                    Don't feel like dying either.

     Today I don't function.
            Something
                 is out of syntony. 
Wrong frequency.

    I have a world of tasks
  to accomplish in this world.
   I don't move a muscle.
      And in the end I didn't live 
one second.

     I'm heavy and tired but didn't tire myself.

                    My head is
        deadweight on my body.

               Today I'm heavy.
I'm light, rickety.
             Fragile, small.

  I'm an ant.
     But I'm dragging.
Elephant feet.

     Today I'm heavy.
  Cold, apathetic, out of syntony. 

                     I feel nothing.
 Nothing                 I'm annoyed.
     to                              By my lack.
 see here                                  Of any feeling.


                   Today I don't function.
                    Today I survived.
                         I was not
                         subject
                   to any danger.         But I survived.

Because today I did not live a single second.

 Useless. Tired. Cold. Wrong frequency. Apathetic. 
 Heavy. Cold. Irritable. 
 Apathetic. Pathetic. Apathetic. Apathetic. Apathetic.

         Today I didn't function.

^^I ^^hope ^^to ^^function ^^tomorrow.

   

My feedbacks:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/46s8m2/saturday/d08qhxr

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/46wxvk/presidential_election/d08qdyy

Posted Feb 22, 2016, 1:38 AM UTC · edited

165
Markingmirror97•

I like how this is scattered. Not just the formatting, but your thoughts are scattered as well. It exemplifies the fast-pace and quick jittery thinking one may have while going through a panic or anxiety attack or depression. I like the oxymoron when you say "I'm an ant/ but I'm dragging./ elephant feet." You use many oxymorons in this poem, and it shows conflicting emotions, thought, and feelings.

3
LeesSteez•

Wow. The subject matter and format of this poem just work so perfectly together. I especially like how the lines scatter further apart towards the end, giving it a derailing train of thought appearance and feel. The final line isn't even in the text box and that placement gives it satisfying punctuality. How on earth did you do that? The entire thing is creative as hell. I have never seen visual poetry like this on the sub. Needless to say, beautiful work.

1
jdones420•

That's an excellent description of how it feels (for me at least) to be depressed. The language and the structure add to the heavy imagery/feeling in just the right way. I especially liked that last, small line that you added outside the box. It contributes to the dislike and annoyance felt for this sort of slump you're in and shows that this sort of inactivity isn't something we want to be apart of, that we are wanting to start doing and not just being. (Or maybe I took this all way to personally since it's so reflective of my current mindset. In either case, it's incredibly relatable and well spoken.)

1
chocolateraptor•

Loved the formatting, it really adds to the feeling of your thoughts being scattered when you can't even function let alone think. You captured that feeling so incredibly well with the words alone and the scattered formation really adds to it. Overall I thought it was great!

1
-Mercy-•

So often we must all feel this way. I know personally for me it's everyday and this artfully written piece described the emptiness of the wormhole of life so tactfully while remaining so brazenly scattered and raw. I hope you function tomorrow too so you can keep sharing writings like this..

1