I completely agree with this. I can totally relate to every line, it feels like an acceptance of pain. I love that. 

I like it. I like the vagaries in the piece. It allows me, as the reader, to interpret as I see fit, to breathe my life into it. Great work!

I will also add that this poem is part of a series or collection of sorts I just started working on. My master plan is to make them all connect in some way.

Hey, no sweat! I don't speak the language well so I hope it all makes sense - I mean that I don't have a vocabulary to describe the things I am trying to say, so I just went with words I know and tried to describe it that way.

thank you very much for your in-depth analysis :)

I like the tempo you implore here. I look for patterns and stanzas where none exist - this helps to create a reading speed or a sort of tempo in my head.

I got very interested when you changed your pattern. I read yours more than I read most, not so much for the content, though I do enjoy a good dystopia, and, to me, yours is just that, but more so for the style and the paradigm shift that I felt caused by the change in style.

I really enjoyed the mathematical feel to your prose. Please allow me to elaborate. The obvious should be stated to begin, you have 15 lines in total. You use lowercase letters throughout. There are a few punctuation marks to highlight pause and question. This last is difficult for me describe - an inconsistent rhythm and rhyme that is difficult to classify due to its ambiguity (the main reason I like it, btw).

I'm going to describe the stanzas now using you, me, and we, as in, let us analyze the information together and let me help you glean what I meant and 

I enjoy the imagery as well as the relatable feelings of working so hard to have something slip through your fingers (quite literally in this piece). The emotion envokes by your words is one of frustration and works well within the human psyche as one begins to break down and rather feel themselves collapse front their own weight. Also you've got good length, tone and mood in this piece set with the syllables in the verses. My only problems are with the enforced rhyming and the cliffhanger a ding, my mind says its complete but my eyes list for the final puzzle piece that wasn't packaged with the box.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/46y29w/the_crest_at_stake/d0au7nr?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/46xmgp/my_tulpa/d0atzxb?context=3

desire seeded in our hands

falling away, we turn our heads

the past collides with future claims

the present always is the same

tell me who there is to blame

where should i resign my shame?

deposits made in full to break

desire seeded in our hands

falling away, we turn our heads

you have to understand

the story lost in translation

somewhere in a loathsome way

we salvaged what we could,

but,

you have to believe me when i say...

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