That "nightmare in a bottle" feeling
I have persistent mild insomnia, which probably comes from more than a decade of bad lifestyle where staying up late is concerned.
In the last year I've tried to be an adult and sleep better, and when it works it's been great. However, trying to be in bed at 10 or 10:30 has also brought back a cyclical insomnia I remember from my high school days, which generally manifests itself as feeling all right as I'm getting to bed, slowly being bothered by a few minor things (like the light coming in through the blinds or the temperature of the air or having a bit of a song in my head), and then realizing over the next few hours that I'm not going to be getting any sleep until 5 or 6 as a surreal, disembodied panic that is literally the worst feeling I've ever had sets in.
It's that feeling I'd like to ask about. I think it may manifest as daytime anxiety, as it certainly seems to correlate with time periods where I'm stressed and muddled. But at night it feels like my brain is breaking, and I just kind of end up walking around the house, feeling miserable and completely disembodied and confused. Sometimes after managing to fall asleep for a half hour or so I'll wake, throwing myself out of bed in a panic, feeling like something's very very wrong with me and the world.
It's a hard feeling--the panic rising at the same time I'm starting to relax--because it really does make my bedroom and house kind of an oppressive place, and my daytime obligations suddenly feel insurmountable (with every motion or thought or human interaction feeling like pain in my mind). Eventually I'll sleep, but not really be rested as the next day just bring about a far milder version of that feeling all day, feeling surreal and disembodied and slightly out of control. I'm seeing a doctor this week and just got some Unisom and Melatonin, so I don't need any recommendations there, but has anybody else experienced something similar and can they offer a little advice or perspective? Again, this is something that is persistent in a very mild form and then gets as bad as I've described here for maybe a week every few months.
Posted Apr 5, 2016, 2:15 AM UTC
I have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, so getting to sleep early won't happen no matter how careful my sleep hygiene is. What helped me was mindfulness meditation while trying to get to sleep (at first I used some guided ones that I played on my iPad) and giving up on the idea that I should be asleep at a certain time. When I mostly let go of that idea I was able to feel less of the crushing anxiety and get to sleep earlier. I still wake up panicked way too often but I'm more likely to get back asleep than I used to be. Naturally, if I'm having more daytime anxiety this problem with nighttime anxiety is much harder to manage, so I try my best to manage my anxiety in general. Easier said than done.
In other words, I had to stop blaming myself for the problem.
Got my doctor's appointment today, so we'll see!
Melatonin seems to have cut off that anxious tossy-turny period of my sleep, though. I've been shaving a tiny bit off of a chewable and taking it every night, and when I wake up I just go right back to bed for nearly the first time in my life without feeling agitated. And I woke up an hour early today and actually felt rested.
Still having anxious periods during the day and I'm avoiding my Adderall for the time being, but I'm hopeful. It just sucks to be keeping track of my sleep deficit and worrying about a full-on panic attack.