The Royal Slapfight Series Round 1 Wrap-Up
Should I keep doing 2 threads per day, or reduce it to 1?
Although the last two Round 1 threads are still technically active, both are one-sided enough that I’m willing to call a result for each already. It might seem premature but I wanted to get this post out before tomorrow, and if there's a massive last-minute turnaround then I'll change things around.
Before we proceed to Round 2, I just want to remind everyone that this is/was meant to be a fun little thing rather than a series of screaming matches - not that it has been, but many of you don’t necessarily need to approach this with as much genuine intensity as you have been. Saying that Leif’s potential waifus are much better than Ephraim’s and so he’s obviously a better character is much more fun (to me, at least) than bickering about things that actually matter.
Note also that rather than just "tallying votes", in judging the matches I’ve taken into account high-, medium- and low-effort posts - or, as I like to call them, The Sickest of Burns, Relatively Sick Burns and Fairly Weak Burns. Supporting your favourite lord is more effective when you actually put thought into it.
That said, the last few days have been full of sicker burns than I ever thought possible, all while keeping up a thin façade of civility. I’m proud of you, r/fireemblem. Above, you’ll see the bracket for Round 2. Before you get up in arms that your favourite didn’t make it through, here’s a quick blow-by-blow of each Round 1 match-up:
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While it wasn’t quite a blow-out and neither side really brought their A-Game, the Imperial Prince of Light managed to fairly easily take out the Maiden of… whatever Micaiah’s title is.
Highlight: Peacock logic
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Lyn’s legs and notoriety aren’t enough to overcome the power that Alm gets from living inside a meme, and he pulls out a clear-cut win in the trash-talk department.
Highlight: "Lyn’s an amazing dodgetank"
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Despite the efforts of a dedicated core of users, Ephraim isn’t able to recover from the onslaught of barbs delivered by Leif fans. Man, you (allegedly) marry your sister one time… A closer match than the previous two, but that’s not saying much.
Highlight: "Not confirmed but he probably has a big dick"; a valiant Ephraim fan goes down fighting.
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Chrom takes the biggest beating of Round 1 and it’s not even close.
Highlight: something something pantsless Marth
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Conversely, here we have the closest match of the first round. Amidst a flurry of vaguely-spoilery jokes, Hector manages to claw his way out. I tallied all the burns, guys. Trust me. Curse the RNG gods for seeding these two together in Round 1.
Highlight: Hector’s mount and Sigurd gets cucked
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Another really close one, which surprised me because I thought the sub had a hard-on for Ike. Ultimately, it seems both sides were similar in size but the Princess of Renais’ supporters were more efficient with their trash talk. Rest in peace, you beautiful beefcake.
Highlight: Macguffins for sale
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The thread that came dangerously close to violating the thin veneer of civility that we put up while trashing each others waifus lordfus. Imagine my surprise that this thread turned less into Lucina vs. Corrin and more Lucina-lovers vs. Lucina-haters! She pulls out a win, and I wish her luck against more popular lords.
Highlight: Stupid sub-humans
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If this were Game of Thrones, Roy would be S.O.L., because he just failed miserably at destroying his father.
Highlight: A discussion of Eliwood and Roy’s respective love interests
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Okay, now you can get mad at me that your favourite didn’t make it.
The first Round 2 thread(s) should go up tomorrow at the usual time (4PM EST). Again, please let me know whether you think I should continue doing two threads a day or just one.
Posted Apr 10, 2016, 1:48 AM UTC