UPDATE:I (31f) had a falling out with my husbands friend (30?m). He's going through a divorce and wants to make amends. Mixed feelings. What do?
Hi everyone!
Well, it's been awhile - some new developments have come up so I thought I'd update if anyone's interested.
It was a difficult choice for me, since it'd been swept aside for so long, but I decided to show this post to my husband. He seemed surprised that I decided to post about what happened because... I really am not one to talk about my feelings.
After reading the post and the comments, I could tell that Mark felt ashamed for not being more obvious about how he felt and for not doing more to help me when Peter turned on me. He was very apologetic and he didn't realise how much it bothered me at the time.
Apparently, Mark had barely been speaking to Peter since this happened. Their friendship hasn't been the same, which I felt bad for - that was not what I wanted, but I appreciated his support.
I asked Mark what Peter's issue with me actually was, and Mark wasn't able to answer that. Peter never gave him a straight answer when he was asked in 2012, so Mark let it go and went low-contact.
Mark got in touch with Peter again via IM and re-iterated that I would not be going to meet with him and David (Mark's brother) and Nita (David's wife) because of Peter's actions. Mark surprised me by telling Peter that HE would not be going and then asked him again what his problem with me was.
This is where it takes a turn for the petty.
To summarize, Peter confirmed that he was deliberately trying to drive a wedge in between Mark and I because... he was jealous.
Peter saw how well I was integrating with everyone else (including Tanya, his wife) - inside jokes, everything, and it killed him. Peter admitted that he felt threatened because he lived so far away and he felt like his friendship was falling by the wayside, stating that he has "abandonment issues".
You would not believe how disappointed Mark was.
To give context for how shitty this really was, I'll tell you a bit more about Mark and I.
Mark got married to a woman when he was in his early twenties. Short story, she was emotionally abusive, manipulative and generally a nightmare. They got pregnant and had a daughter. When she was 3-4, his ex has an affair with my best friends husband, got knocked up and caused a huge clusterfuck for everyone. Of course, Mark immediately divorced her. Peter was not there for him at all during this time.
Mark and I met in 2008 at work and became friends with me and my best friend Jane, so we both knew his ex - we were even friendly enough before her affair and before I knew how psycho she was.
After everything cooled down, and his separation and divorce were settled, Mark and I got together.
My point is - Mark was going through one of the worst times of his life, and finally managed to crawl out of his own depression and find some happiness with me, and his own friend tries to sabotage it. And then he wants everyone to rally around him for his own amicable divorce.
Reddit, pretty sure there's no way to come back from that. As far as I can tell, that friendship is over - I know I for one will not be talking to him ever again, no matter what Peter says.
TLDR; Pulled my head out of my ass and started communicating with spouse, finds out former friend is a horrible person - you won't believe what happens next!
Posted Apr 15, 2016, 2:34 AM UTC · edited