Source
r/depression•
Depthry

Is there no such thing as happiness?

I feel like at this point I don't know anything else. I can't remember well what it's like to feel happy.

Is this it? Is there no such thing as happiness? Is happiness just short moments of satisfaction interspersed between feelings of existential dread, bitterness, and grief?

I know it's said that happiness is a choice, but I feel like that choice was taken from me. Sometimes I feel like this is as good as it gets, and that frightens me so much because I so desperately want to feel good again. I want to know again what it's like to laugh with a friend. I want to know what a hug feels like. I want to know what it's like to be held in someone's arms while they tell you that everything will be okay and that your sadness won't last. I want to be able to stop and smell the roses. I want my interactions with people to be at the point where my first instinct isn't to judge and dislike them.

I want to be able to enjoy people and life and the world. I want to be able to see potential and the good in everyone but I just can't. I guess I'm too cynical.

Posted May 4, 2016, 5:10 AM UTC

14
DepthryOP•

I'm really sorry if this is way too dramatic or depressing or anything. I'm just feeling really down right now and I wanted a place to vent and ask.

1
hecticit•

Is happiness just short moments of satisfaction interspersed between feelings of existential dread, bitterness, and grief?

I'd say this is what happiness seems like to me at the moment. I find myself having these moments of satisfaction and then suddenly.. almost reminding myself that I can't feel that way for too long. Like I have to think about all the stuff that makes me feel like shit and then just delve back into that state of existential dread.

1
cccaceres•

There is such a thing as happiness, but it's not easy to get. Having gone through something very similar a few years ago, I can tell you that a lot of the times, even laughing with a friend or being hugged and reassured won't do much to help. You get to a point where nothing anyone else does will make you happy, and it feels that much worse when you start to realize that. This is just coming from personal experience, but after a very long time feeling bad about myself, I VERY slowly started to realize that the only way I could start to feel good away was if I started thinking I deserved it. Once i told myself that I was human, I had faults, and even like that, I deserved to be happy, I started to work at being happy. I quickly found out that working at being happy is an incredibly challenging task and I failed often and would sink back into my depression. But those glimpses of when I succeeded were enough to drive me little by little into feeling better. And you know what happened? After a long time, although I didnt exactly feel happy, I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of dread anymore. Slowly, that built up into eventually making new friends, caring about others, and eventually, others caring for me.

The biggest thing is that you simply cannot give up because you're human. You are imperfect, you'll make mistakes, you'll have your heart crushed over and over and over again (believe me.....), and yet, as long as we dont give up, we all deserve to be happy.

You say you want to be able to stop and smell the roses. Well....why dont you? its spring and I dont know where you are located, but there should be plenty of roses somewhere near your area. Make yourself a little plan to research where to find them, and then simply just go by yourself and literally smell them. Who knows what you might find. You might fall in love with the smell and want to research where that smell comes from. You might absolutely hate the smell and discover something new about yourself. You may not smell a damn thing and realize you actually have allergies, and that in itself is something great to laugh at. And at the end of the day, when you're back at home and ready to sleep, tell yourself that you accomplished something that day and maybe it wont make you happy, but it'll make you less sad, and it'll be worth it.

1
TacoDeBoss•

There /is/ a such thing as happiness. Real, actual happiness. I had it. And then I lost it. I hope you find your peace.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1