Source
r/GFD•
Depthry

[I'm not sure] My best friend died two months ago and I'm still not over it.

I'm not sure

It feels kind of lame. I feel like I should be over it by now, but I'm not. I still cry some nights because I miss him so much.

I loved him. I loved him so much. I didn't realize it until after he'd passed that I loved him, but I did. I only wish I had said those words to him before he died.

He was my best buddy, and we played video games together for hours at a time every day for years, sometimes up to twelve hours a day. I feel so lost without him. I'm afraid that I'll never have that kind of connection with another human being again.

Posted May 26, 2016, 4:44 PM UTC

109
Coopcakes•

Oh my goodness! Two months??? Honey, give yourself some time. No reasonable person should expect you to be over this and there definitely isn't some time line of when you have to be. My best friend/sister passed away in 2008 and I'm still not fully over it (EIGHT years later) and accept that I never will be. Something I had to learn was how to allow myself to be sad without feeling bad. You get to have those days, but then go out and kick ass the next. Even if that just means going out and doing something - anything. Walking, shopping, socializing. You're allowed to be sad for as long as needed, as long as you're able to keep moving forward with your life. Don't let anyone tell you to "get over it" because you probably never will. You don't have to! This is a fucked up and traumatic this you're dealing with. However, you have to be able to move forward and live your life. It sucks and it's hard, but I'm sure it's what he'd want and it's gonna be something you need.

Be brave sometimes, but give yourself time to process. Reach out if you need someone to listen. I'm rooting for you, OP.

4
DepthryOP•

Thanks. I guess I'm too hard on myself. It's just that he was the only friend I had and my life is so much worse without him.

1
delrio_gw•

When someone in your life who you're this close to passes away, it stays with you for the rest of your life. They had a large impact on who you are, of course that's not going to vanish just because the person is no longer here.

What does happen though, is those moments where it hits you and you cry - they get further apart. The memories bring a smile more than they bring a tear.

You will make connections again, some will be strong because of the connection you had with him. He taught you how to be that close to someone.

And as for never having told him how much he mattered? You told him every day you chose to spend time with him, we communicate with more than just words. Don't beat yourself up about that, he knew you thought highly of him.

Crying is ok too, it's part of the process, we all grieve differently and each loss is different again. Let the moment happen and then move forward, remember the good things about him and carry him with you. His influence will be with you always.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

2
DepthryOP•

Thank you for the kind words. I just wish I had him back. He was always there for me :(

1
delrio_gw•

In a way he still is. His influence will stay with you.

It does get easier, I promise. It never goes away completely but it does get easier.

1
Kolapsidy•

My best friend died a couple months ago too. I feel the same way, I waited my whole life to find someone I felt that connected to, what if I never find anyone like that again. It sucks. I miss her terribly.

1
dannbuccSupport Moderator•

You may not ever find anyone like that again, and in a way that's a good thing. As much as you can't ever replace her you will find friends that impact you the same way, at the same level of depth, just differently.

2
dannbuccSupport Moderator•

Loss is hard for everyone. Don't feel lame, no single person every takes it or copes with it the same way. Just remember to honor your friend by cherishing good memories of them, as cliche as it is they aren't gone if they are always in your thoughts.

1
mycroftxxx42•

It's been six and a half years since my mom passed away and I'm not sure that a day doesn't pass that wasn't negatively effected by her absence. You're not being dramatic, or silly, or self-pitying. Death is terrible and it's perfectly natural to not be OK when someone is taken from you. Don't let anyone else tell you different.

(I mean, yes, this is not a good reason to stop living your life, OP. But if that life happens to be different from now on because of the loss of your friend, that's pretty normal.)

1