Lady In A Dilemma
Lady in a Dilemma
Stands on the verge of the cliff,
with the patience fragiled over time to fall for,
and the unconquerable love to stand by,
ever has she been faced with this dilemma,
that what better does life has on offer tomorrow?
She often plans a suicide,
when the love is stabbed repeatedly,
by no one but her own,
she plans a suicide then,
instantaneous impulse of anger makes her run towards the edge,
but she drinks in everything,
adding poison to her heart,
when all her inertia is absorbed by the love again,
her feet are grounded by the love again,
to her misery, both the reasons of her happiness,
lie in alternative worlds, both separated,
one brings her too close to her passions, that it hurts,
one takes her too far from her dignity.
She quietly observes the passage of time,
the rise of the sun and the fall of the dusk,
in the utter silence , she admires her child,
regaining all his innocence that he had lost while screaming at her,
when he had lit himself in flames of anger,
damning the love, out of her,
she admits to this serene moment,
the compromise she makes everyday.
It's the dilemma of the lady,
to live for love or to die because of it,
to end worldly matters at once,
or end the pain for who matter the most,
she, on her way to a polite answer,
on her way to a confident decision,
keeps on dragging herself forth.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4owk39/slug/d4gcqpl
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4oor2b/slug/d4egtta
Posted Jun 20, 2016, 6:47 AM UTC · edited
There's a lot of underlying emotion here, and in some places your writing seems to jumble upon itself - but I feel this adds to the message of the poem, emotions can be a roiling sea where you lose track of up and down, right and wrong.
My only minor 'criticism' if you will, the final line. The use of 'keeps on dragging herself forth' almost seems to loosen the tone a little? It feels as though the depth falters at the less formal 'keeps on'. Perhaps exchanging with 'ever onwards' or something similar?
Definitely a lot to take in, but I think there's a lot of promise here!
The last line sits there okay-ish-ly, I don't think, 'ever onwards' would make much of a difference. The throw-off of the last line is definitely there, and it has been kept there to emphasize on the point that the lady's sufferings keep going on. It works as a sudden strike of a melancholy bell that draws one's attention to its unending misfortune. Though, I accept your version as a possible replacement.
Thankyou for relating to the emotional appeal of the poem. It lacks denotative quality but I guess, some poems are best expressed as raw.