Source
r/weddingplanning•
bemo12

Should I contact all my guests?

So I was having brunch with one of my best friends and one of my groomsmen this weekend and, while I try and avoid talking about the wedding, my friend brought it up and asked for a general timeline.

I said short ceremony, cocktail hour, drag show, dinner, then dancing. Then he got really confused and was like you're serving dinner???

On the invitations it said "Eat, drink, and be married" so I assumed since it was a nighttime wedding people would know that dinner is served. But he is adamant that I contact every guest and tell them dinner is served. To me, this seems like an overreaction, but maybe I am in the wrong.

He is also from a foreign country, so maybe it is different there.

I guess what I am asking is, people expect to be fed at a nighttime wedding right? Or do I need to contact everyone to explicitly tell them dinner will be served.

On another note, said friend found out that my groomsman forgot to plan a bachelor party. Basically he told everyone he was planning it and so they didn't and then he didn't. So my friend is throwing me one. So happy about that :)

Posted Jun 20, 2016, 3:37 PM UTC

4943
lroc23Wife! 12/12/15•

You're having a drag show and he was questioning dinner?! That's funny to me. And btw, I think having a drag show is a completely awesome and fun idea.

I definitely think your friend is overreacting. I think dinner is assumed unless explicitly stated otherwise and you've gone beyond that and said there would be food. No need to call all of your guests in this case :)

115
r_shall10.8.16 | Kansas•

I'm trying to imagine how that conversation went...

Bemo12: "So first we'll do the ceremony."

Friend: "Of course."

Bemo12: "And then we are having a cocktail hour"

Friend: "Right."

Bemo12: "And then the drag show."

Friend: "Naturally."

Bemo12: "Then dinner"

Friend: "WTF? That's just crazy. I mean it's your wedding so I guess you can do whatever but........"

137
lroc23Wife! 12/12/15•

LOL at "naturally"

That's pretty much exactly how I imagined your conversation going! No need to give anyone a heads up about a drag show, but telling them you're serving dinner is a must!

24
bemo12OPJuly 1st 2016 | NYC•

He also questioned why we were having tables. He said most people won't want to sit down.

19
ebpi22 Oct. 2016 | Dallas!•

I bet you can't wait until you're the one attending his wedding!

18
MzScarlet03•

We all really need to know what country he is from, and how many US weddings he has been to.

7
bemo12OPJuly 1st 2016 | NYC•

Singapore. And no clue.

2
mint_choco_chipWifed | 5.30.15•

I think you should avoid taking any of his advice on anything wedding-related.

3
bemo12OPJuly 1st 2016 | NYC•

It didn't help that my groomsman basically backed him up and was like well I assumed there would be an open bar, but didn't think there would be food.

9
r_shall10.8.16 | Kansas•

What?? I'm so confused...literally every wedding I have ever been to has had dinner. Most people would expect a meal - it's so common that you actually need to warn people if you won't be serving dinner. Has your groomsman ever attended a wedding before?

34
bemo12OPJuly 1st 2016 | NYC•

Well he also suggested I contact guests to tell them that if they are giving a gift then it should be cash. We didn't register anywhere, and honestly we would not expect gifts from everyone, but if people want to give a gift we would just prefer the money. But I certainly don't want to tell anyone that, although he is pretty insistent.

Good thing he is going on a week long vacation and only coming back the morning of the wedding day.

17
mutantrubyMarried! Aussie BMX Wedding!•

This reminds me of when we started our planning, and Mr was saying "what, we need to feed these people? I don't remember food at weddings." and I just looked at him then reminded him about the three weddings we had attended, that all included dinner! He just completely blanks out over stuff that doesn't concern him. If the food was terrible he'd remember it I guess.

1
SuperiorHedgehogBride | Married! | Santa Barbara, CA•

What's the timeframe of the wedding? If it spans dinnertime (e.g. 5ish to 8ish), people will assume there's dinner.

My suspicion is that your friend is just nuts.

21
bemo12OPJuly 1st 2016 | NYC•

7-midnight

6
SuperiorHedgehogBride | Married! | Santa Barbara, CA•

Oh, hmm. Seven is a slightly late start time, but my guess is that everyone will still assume there's dinner.

20
bemo12OPJuly 1st 2016 | NYC•

Well it's a Friday night in NYC. People eat late here, but I get what you're saying.

12
SuperiorHedgehogBride | Married! | Santa Barbara, CA•

Yeah, not late for NYCers, but for example my in laws from DC would find that really late.

12
BlackMantecore•

I would definitely assume dinner and I'd be a bit put out if there wasn't any food

2
UofHCoog7.30.16 Houston•

Everyone should know that dinner will be served with this kind of timing. You're good, you do not need to contact everyone!! That's awesome about your bachelor party!! :)

5
centechMarried! :o 6-25-16 NYC•

At the risk of being rude.. your friend is just an idiot. Any 7pm affair includes dinner. Also your "Eat, drink, and be married" pretty much says it explicitly. I'd say if you WEREN'T feeding people at 7pm you better let them know, but not the other way around.

19
omgitskedwardsAugust 20, 2017 | Boston, MA•

Are you doing a plated dinner or a buffet? Usually in the invites, people will ask if guests have allergies and which option they want, so it's inferred that there will be food. If you're doing a family-style event, this may not have been necessary for your invites. But if you are having an evening wedding, most people assume they will be fed.

6
bemo12OPJuly 1st 2016 | NYC•

Plated four course dinner, but there is no need for guests to pick beforehand, the venue runs it like you would order at a restaurant.

7
sec40810/1/16 MA•

We're doing the same thing - that guests order at the table, so we didn't include an option in our RSVPs. Our invitation says dinner and dancing to follow at the bottom.

Honestly, I wouldn't think too much into what he said. Where your reception is at 7pm and you seem to be in an area where a meal is typically served at the wedding, I'm sure your guests will assume that there will be food. If there is confusion, you will start to hear things from your parents, bridal party, etc. I would wait until you hear from more people before you reach out to everyone

3
regina227•

If your wedding is at a mealtime, people will expect a meal. You don't need to specifically contact them to tell them one will be served.

The only time I might not expect a meal is if the wedding is in that weird in between lunch/dinner time (like 2pm) or a late night ceremony (8pm or later)

6
daria--morgendorffer❤️9/24/2016❤️•

You definitely don't need to contact guests. You mentioned eating on the invite and your wedding sounds like it's occurring near a meal time, so I think you're fine. Also, it's awesome you're having a drag show at your wedding! I want to come!

6
sarasmirksMarch 4, 2017 | Los Angeles, CA•

You don't need to contact all your guests to clarify.

It might be a good idea to put more information about the timeline and food and such on your wedding website, if you have one.

In my experience it varies whether people expect a full meal at weddings. I come from a culture where it's nice but not necessarily mandatory, and I always view it as a bonus if there's a full meal. I'd never act shocked about it or be put out. If someone contacted me, their wedding guest, to clarify that there will be dinner, I'd be like... uh ok cool thanks

Also, not to be sexist, but in my experience men who aren't in the act of planning a wedding know a lot less about weddings and how they work. I don't want to say I would discount his concern because he is male and obviously knows nothing about weddings, but this particular concern of his? Yep. (Similarly when I floated the idea of a food truck to my dad, he was like "Great then everyone can just pay for their own meal!" ugh no, Dad, that's not how it works!)

6
kuffaraOct 3 2015 | Bride | Photographer•

To be fair, I had no concept of weddings and how they worked until I started planning mine...

2
PBRidesAgainMay 20th 2017|Canada•

Dammit now I want a drag show!

But no one think you're fine in terms of meal

3
accentmarkdAug7,'16 Brewery Weddng in Chicago•

With your start time at 7 you may want to mention it (perhaps on your website) because it's a bit late, but I feel like dinner at an evening wedding is the expectation.

We had a misunderstanding because our dinner will be buffet style and my family is used to plated dinners, so when there was no "choose your meal" line on the RSVP cards they thought there would only be apps no dinner. We updated our website to say "cocktail hour, dinner, and dancing to follow" and since then no one has asked.

3
TheMechaBeeEngaged on 9-22-15 / Getting married September '17•

Woah, off topic... but you're getting married on my birthday, and we were originally planning to have our wedding at Rev Brewery. (just saw your flair). I just thought that was funny :)

2
accentmarkdAug7,'16 Brewery Weddng in Chicago•

That's awesome! (Don't worry, we're throwing you a sweet birthday party there!)

1
_31415_I dunno, like 2017 I guess?•

Did you include meal choices on the invites, or ask for dietary restrictions allergies? Either way, I think some sort of meal is expected at the wedding. I don't think you would need to contact every guest and let them know that there will be food. I had to re-read your post three times to make sure that I was interpreting it right. I mean... reception is food + drink + dancing. Seems pretty given to me.

2
kgsommers05.06.2017 DC Bride•

Based on the comments, it sounds like this friend has some non-traditional ideas on weddings. Honestly, if you are doing a wedding website maybe include some info there but I don't think you need to contact each individually. Worst case scenario, they already ate and the food you are paying for gets picked at. While not ideal, I think much better than the reverse.

If you are really concerned, maybe check-in with a few other guests who you are close to and see what their opinion is. If they all say the expected no dinner then you might want to get plan B going and contact your guests.

2
So_angry_right_now•

The invitation literally says...eat! Haha!

2
danceydancetime•

Weddings always have dinner...I'd be more surprised if you had said there was no dinner.

1
purpleeviltWedding Planner - Portland•

Your mate is wrong. At an evening wedding people will expect to eat and sit down while doing it. I am cracking up at the conversation though, the food is what made him stop.... Lol

1