Summer Sky

Love the imagery. The only way I could think to improve (and of course it's just my opinion) would be to get rid of the "are" and "a" in the second line... I don't know why but I feel that it breaks the immersion a bit. Be more direct. Something like:

Black denim stretched across the knee of a summer sky.

Worn patches of clouds and a bleach-stain moon.

All held by twinkling rivets and seams of stars.

Or something along those lines. But all-in-all, I really like the metaphors you used.

I just wanted to let you know that I recently used your poem as an example of end-stopped lines used extremely well, in my weekly mod post "Poetry Primer". I really do think this is one of the mechanics you've utilized exceptionally well in this piece. It slows us readers down to a crawl, and allows us to really enjoy all the intricate ways in which your imagery is inter-related. Very nice piece. I enjoyed this thoroughly.

I enjoy the imagery this piece puts forward. However, I would like to see more. I feel like this could be part of a larger poem or used in prose to describe scenery. Further, the picture painted is of a sky being described as jeans. Unique, but what I would like to see is less telling us which part of the sky is similar to which part of the jeans, and more imaging. I like the way that tectactoe explained it earlier. Rather than saying "this is like that" it is more immersive to just have them descriptive but not explained. Not sure f that makers any sense whatsoever.

Either way, I really like this. It is unique imagery. Please do not take anything I said as me not loving this piece, just my thoughts.

Beautiful, I can't express/Articulate myself well enough, so sorry. Kind of a non comment, need not worry though you are probably nice :).

ps sorry for Commenting/criticing etc while high, on weed. I might seem stupid or existentially inappropriate...