However, you read it is just as correct as my reading of it. 

But, personally, when I was writing it, it came off in a tone of resignation.


I read it as a dialogue where he's omitted what the cashier is saying.  
"Here you are."  
"Thank you. Have a nice day."  
"Alright."  
Like, it's more of a habitual, numb Alright.

Very modern. I like your use of repetition showing the routine we're all stuck in - it makes it relatable. 
I also like how you end it - "Alright." you basically sum up how you're feeling. This poem can be seen as either happy or sad - happy as in life is fine; it's all right. Sad as in stuck in a boring routine. How did you mean it to come off? 

I actually very much appreciate your critique but I have a hard time agreeing with it on its principle. Why does a masterpiece lie in what's uncommon? Death is common, love is common, nature is common. Maybe your critique is that great poetry finds something uncommon in the common, and if you feel my poem failed to do that, that is a very valid critique.

This poem is first and foremost an embodiment of major depression. It is about the prison of routine, the isolation of the individual, and about the shallowness of a consumerist society. When I was writing this, the fact this ended in a transaction seemed incredibly important to me. Of course, anything else grasped from it by a reader is just as valid and important.

If you don't see that depth of meaning in the poem, then your critique is incredibly valuable and appreciated. But, if your issue with the poem is that all these things are common, I'd argue the fact they are experienced in some part by all of us makes them even more mean

Im not going to try to convince you to agree with me, this is simply my view of it, but I want to share this thought for consideration: I believe poetry should porttay something beyond what is fairly clear or obvious. Im not really a purist, but I think of poetry as an art, and like all art, anybody can create a common picture, but a masterpiece lies in what is uncommon. However, even common themes can be great, but then more effort needs to be put into their execution. This poem is that exact example to me - it is a common theme and nothing special. I would go so far as to say that the author isnt even that attached to it. To improve it without changing the theme which is the author's personal intent, the structure can be changed at least. Better words can be used which take less space. I think a short poem that you can reread a hundred times to see the routine mentioned is more powerful than a single read that encompasses it with simple word repetition. A common theme with common tec

I would argue that the length vs. content of the poem was the very intent in its writing. It doesn't have nearly the same impact to say 'I wake up each morning and follow the same boring routine' as it does to actually have the audience tediously read the same words, get to the next stanza and find out it hasn't moved on, keep moving forward and find out that absolutely nothing has changed and there's almost this sense of 'is it over yet? I know what's being said and what's going to happen.' It doesn't just tell you about dull repetition, it puts you right smack in the middle of it. The poem personifies the very day it is describing, relatively full of pointless details despite how long it is.

I would also reiterate what others have said in that the true gem lies in the line "yes, yes, I'm very fine," since it's the one glimpse we get into the narrator's real thoughts. The sarcastic implication that they are not and the dullness of everything around it allows it to stand out. So i wou

personally disliked the poem. It had nothing significant to portray in my opinion. Its redeeming quality is the moderate application of repetition and banal words to represent the dullness of routine, but I would ask this of you: if that is your intent, can you write this and convey the same message with just 12 words? Brevity in this would make it visually appealing.

Favorite line: 

>and yes, yes, I'm very fine.

The sarcasm is almost palpable.  Why is it I get the sense that this character is anything *but* fine? 

I don't know why but the formula "I'm very fine" hit me like a punch in the face, because it's something that no one normally says, I don't even know if it's correct in English, but I love it because it shows just how many times we say it without meaning it. 

I love that it seems so rushed. And that you've omitted the dialogue of the people around you like they really don't matter to the poem at all, like their input doesn't matter to your life. You'll just keep trekking along, from point A to point B, interaction to interaction, just like everyone else does.

somewhat rock, where the singer does a stanza fast and then the instruments play again

I'm curious about the genre, haha.

It's an interesting reaction because for me, whose poems generally aren't very songlike to begin with, this is definitely the least musical of my pieces to date.

I highly appreciate a reader would have the exact opposite response. I'd be delighted if you could share more of your thoughts. 

This was instantly a song in my mind when I read it. 

I think I read this yesterday and disliked it. Then I read it today and I disagree with myself. 

Caesura and anaphora to the max here. It works very well given the subject matter. The sarcastic tone is rooted in the repetition and the monotony of the descriptions. 

Oh and the title. Perfect. Deceptively trivial.

Love nearly everything about this, especially how you left the "tap tap tap" open to interpretation. I think that sprinkling in some more onomatopoeia might go a long way. 

Wake. Eat. Brush. Shower. Drive. Open. Work. Google. Google. Check email. Check news. Tap. Tap. Tap.  

Glad she's alright. Nice to see you today. I'm doing well. It's horrible isn't it.  
Come up with docile joke, hurry hurry hurry. Too late.    

That building again and that building again and that room again and that chair again and that pencil again, and that bread brand again, and website again, and the showerhead again, and this supermarket again, and yes, yes, I'm very fine.  

Oh, how much do I owe you?  

$7.75  

Ah, that's not so bad.  

Here you are.  

Alright.  

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qmaje/trump_2016/  
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qm0pb/tranquil/  


Anyway, thank you for opening up a window.