"That frolic in flame." I love this line. Frolic is such a playful word, it gives me the impression that you've become comfortable with these demons to an extent, although you still despise them. I don't know if that's what you were going for exactly, but it's a powerful line regardless. The only thing that irks me is how you say that the monsters and demons "dwell in the sickness
Inside of my brain" and then immediately contradict that by saying that they're clawing at you from the outside trying to get in. 

That doesn't scan right either.  Look at the scansion below, and copy it.  

LONG-short-short-LONG-short-short-LONG-short-short-LONG

What you're suggesting would be

LONG-short-short-LONG, short-LONG-short-LONG

Thank you for your excellent advice, perhaps I could use the line "Let me in!" Instead, to represent the voices

EDIT: trying to think of an alternative that fits the meter

I think the rhythm would work better if the lines were grouped this way instead: 

>Monsters and demons are real, you see,  

>Screaming and moaning, devouring me,  

>Creatures of fire that frolic in flame,  

>Dwell in the sickness inside of my brain.

This way, the dactylic tetrameter speaks much more clearly.  The way you had it grouped before sometimes cut a dactyl in two pieces and placed half of the foot on two separate lines, which obscured the rhythm.  

Speaking of the rhythm, there is a line that could use a rework.  I'll post it as a single line of dactylic tetrameter to show you what I mean.

>Clawing and scratching, trying to get in,

*Trying* has a strong syllable in the wrong place.  This line scans awkwardly because of it. According to the rhythm you've established, it feels like the stress should be on "try-**ing**" which just sounds terrible.  Right now it scans: 

    – ˘ ˘ – ˘, – ˘ ˘ ˘ –

When it should scan this way: 

    – ˘ ˘ – ˘ ˘ – ˘ ˘ –

To be like the rest 

"Dagger-like fingers, Caressing my skin"
Great juxtaposition between daggers and caressing of your skin. 
Usually a caress comes from the sweet touch of a lover, but your use of contrast highlights the struggle of one who is fighting a losing battle with their inner demons. To the point where the only form caress, comes from fingers that are like daggers. Which is also a great highlight of the isolation faced due to these inner demons. Kind of like the demons embracing you,  telling you, we're all you have, and this is the only caress you will ever feel, but we will not be gentle, we will claw and scratch till we overcome you and bring you to your own demise.

Great expression of inner struggle. 
Great stuff, excellent work !

I like the the rhythm of the poem. Being a sufferer of bipolar disorder, I can relate to much of it (except the voices). My only problem is the last line. It destroys the rhythm and the flow. Maybe you could remove "of"?

great rhyming poem. good word choice for rhymes. flows well. has power in its meaning. overall, excellent job!

I love the rhyme scheme, it lightens the piece a bit


I definitely agree with /u/actualnameislana, the rhythm is strong but can be organized better because you could go a long way replacing line breaks with more creative use of punctuation which opens up more opportunity to bring out specific words or phrases. I honestly used to probably still do suck with punctuation and it's often the first thing fellow poets here criticize me on, but recently I've just been going through and reading my poems and naturally where I pause I just comma or semicolon because the way it sounds in your head is hard to create in someone else's head without it. And you want more attention on key parts. I've gotta mention it drives the point really well, I got a full sense that this is a struggle and the imagery and metaphors guided me there and made me empathize to the end where it's almost scary to empathize. It's very impactful and you should definitely try to bring that out more in you next works, this sort of vibe. I really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing!

That's great advice. Totally see where you're coming from thanks

I really liked it, the ending really had a punch. Now it's your work and i don't necessarly know how you feel, but i think it would really help actualize the whole inner struggle if you express more that this isn't what you , yourself want, that you aren't evil yourself, but you're being held like a hostage inside of your mind. Rambled a bit there, i'm always afraid people won't understand my points, but i hope you get something out of it.

Hi /r/OCPoetry :). This will be my first poem that i have shared with anybody. Please give me some feedback and i hope you enjoy.

Schizo

Monsters and demons  
Are real, you see,  
Screaming and moaning,  
Devouring me,  
Creatures of fire  
That frolic in flame,  
Dwell in the sickness  
Inside of my brain,  
Dagger-like fingers  
Caressing my skin,  
Clawing and scratching,  
Trying to get in,  
The voices are whispering  
Into my ear,  
Speaking the language  
Of darkness and fear,  
The doctors can’t help me  
The pills never work,  
They cannot protect me,  
From evil that lurks,  
Inside my own mind,  
They think I’m insane,  
My cries for help  
Always echo in vain. 

No one can save me,  
I wish I was dead,  
To silence the voices  
Inside of my head.


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qmcl2/the_judge_and_the_jester/  
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4qm0pb/tranquil/ 
 
Edit: formatting