Worried
I've been in a different city for five weeks for relocation, and my fiance is moving down next weekend.
During this time there has been absolutely no sexual discussion - she's made absolutely no effort to have some 'private time' with me either through text, video, or pictures. I know she's okay with them because she's sent me them before. She just hasn't or won't now. I have tried and she told me 'tomorrow' that night, then told me she was on her period the next day. Naturally I have no way to verify this, but I know she's used it as an excuse when it was exceptionally light or not happening before.
We had a dead bedroom for over a year. I was more or less making plans to leave when she got off birth control and it did a 180, however over the last several months we've become less and less sexual (less frequent sex, and there doesn't appear to be any enthusiasm).
I'm worried the dead bedroom is back. I refuse to let myself run through the shitfest that a dead bedroom is again and she knows it. I know we can't be together right now, but our communication feels like roommates coordinating a move-in, not partners moving houses.
Posted Jul 3, 2016, 10:16 PM UTC · edited
Moving is stressful, and many times a woman being stressed=less interest in sex. Also, could it be that she simply prefers face to face contact? Why don't you discuss this with her and see if she is simply not interested or is waiting for you two to be together?
I have tried - she hasn't really said anything other than it's temporary and that's it.
If it's only this weekend you have to wait for, then take her to task about it being temporary. See if things change once you get moved in and settled. If they don't, well you need to have a big talk. What stood out to me was that when she got off her birth control, things seemed to get better for a while, did I read that right? Is she on any other kinds of medications? Some meds can extremely decrease libido. If she is, you might talk to her about an alternative. It sounds like her hormones are pretty sensitive (because of the birth control thing) so also maybe ask her if there is something you need to do in order to make her feel more in the mood. My Husband didn't get it for the longest time when he would come home from work, come straight to my room and I would be like "nope". I finally told him that I need some intimacy first. NOT sexual foreplay, intimacy. Sitting together, talking, rubbing my shoulders, telling me I look pretty, massages, talking about some deep emotional things. This makes a woman feel close to her man and makes her want to be with him. Now, I realize that a man thinks of sex as the means to become more intimate with his woman. So, understanding each other is a big part of making it work.
No other medication, but I know she's stressed about the move and I'm assuming about the time away.
I want to believe it's just stress induced and it will normalize after a week or two in the new place when were settled. The previous dead bedroom just had a lasting effect on me, so I'm wary of it recurring.
Yeah, I can see why that would worry you, but realize that a lot of couples go through phases like this, especially in times of stress, and sometimes you think "that's it, we will never get back to where we were before", but if you love each other and put some effort into each other then it will pass. I wish you the best of luck.
lol! This! When we were in college and apart for the summer, my boyfriend was always ready to immediately get back to sex. I needed a day of being together and reconnecting after such a long break!