Yeah, I really like it. Not enough poems use the page like a canvas, illustrating a point by the placement of the words.

I really like that idea. 

I think I might try to condense them into one line, and put it at the beginning

I'm thinking maybe dropping the end lines, and change the beginning to

    once it's past fixing
        there's no other option


thoughts?

edit: retrospectively that sounds kinda over-gushy, but bleh. Can't think of anything else

This poem is really strong. I like the formatting. In most cases, formatted poems like this seem to do so arbitrarily, but I can see the reasoning to why you did this. I like that a lot.   

The last two stanzas feel quite a bit weaker than the rest of the poem. the "Feels like absolution" line seems like the end, and everything after it seems out of place. I'd almost say that the last four lines would do better at the beginning of the poem, with a little reworking. 

Your second stanza is really powerful and I feel like the whole poem pivots on it. The stanzas after don't feel very tied in though. Very interesting piece!

Good point, yeah. Narrator wants to ensure that things aren't salvageable.

I was thinking about dropping both of the stanzas after "feels like absolution" and replacing them with an intro. Was gonna put this at the beginning:

    once it's past fixing
        there's no other option

thoughts

The "they" at the end is a little obscure. Was the purpose to make sure "each surrender" did not last too long? Or does the narrator want to ensure that "things" are not "salvageable?"

It really splits the direction of the work.

Otherwise, I really liked the spacing of the words. "[S]hower skipped" slips away from the phrases above it, and so do the following events, furthering the sense of disorganization and loss of control.

    things really are
       out of hand,
                I proclaimed,
       the first time I premeditated not doing my homework

    each surrender since then,          
    every tooth unbrushed,
                shower skipped
                   face unshaven
                     bill unpaid
        feels like absolution
    
    I can’t give up
                 while things are still salvageable
    
    best I can do
                 is make sure they aren’t for long


-----------------------------
When I started on this I had a lot of (what I thought were) cool ideas, and was going to make it a lot longer. Most of the stuff I write is more free verse speech than poem. Dunno if this falls into that category, so I was trying to do something a bit shorter. Any feedback is appreciated. Don't be gentle. Lay it on heavy if the thing sucks, lol.

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4s5ner/nicotine_lips/d57lmpa) | [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4s6wl0/mirror_mirror/d57lrfa)

Process of elimination