Source
r/relationships•
TheRadroach

I [17M] was seeing a girl [16F] we went out on 3 double dates and she tells me we should be friends because she never felt a "connection".

Dating

I'll try and keep it short, but basically, I was speaking to this girl over Facebook for about a month or so, and then one day she invited me out for a double date with her friend and a guy her friend was seeing.

It went pretty well, I was kinda awkward, but we kept talking afterwards and she invited me out on 2 more. I thought they went amazingly, we got on so well, she was laughing and smiling throughout them and I thought everything was going great, until about 2 days after the last date we had, she messages me saying she isn't ready for a relationship right now, but she loved the nights we spent together.

A few weeks later I talk to her again and she reveals instead that she feels we didn't have a "connection". Which is weird considering how young we are, I didn't really think that would be a thing girls my age would even think about.

As it stands now, we argued for a while about things that I haven't mentioned in this post, and then we decided to step back from each other for a while and sort things out later.

But, I guess the point of this post is to try and understand why after telling me she enjoyed the nights we spent together so much, she felt we didn't have a "connection". I understand she had a previous relationship that lasted for awhile, but ended on a really bad note and it messed her up a lot.

There are quite a few details I'm leaving out, but the post would be ridiculously long if I included them all. If they really are that important I can make an edit with them all.

tl;dr - Went out on 3 double dates with a girl, said she loved them, tells me she isn't ready for a relationship, then later reveals she felt we didn't have a connection.

Posted Jul 27, 2016, 12:12 AM UTC

17
100139•

A connection isn't age related - why would you ever date someone you don't have a connection with? You're young but you will soon learn that the bottom line is she isn't interested, the reason doesn't matter and you can't, and shouldn't, argue with her about it.

3
IHeartCumin•

It could be a thousand different things. Just respect her wishes and look for other dating opportunities

2
TheRadroachOP•

Yeah that's why I've avoided thinking into it to much, I've been told that she really liked me at the start. She proposed to me the idea of stepping back so that we can sort things later when we've both had time to breathe after telling her I that I really like her still, etc.

So I guess I'm not sure how to feel about it? Whether I should be looking forward to talking to her again or just assume it's over and I have no chance anymore.

1
ferengi•

"Connection" is short hand for sexual attraction also known as 'chemistry'. I think you can understand that liking someone as a person doesn't necessarily mean you want to date them. That's not something that's always apparent when you first meet them, which I'm sure is why she wanted to give you a chance. Then she discovered that while she likes your company and you as a person, she's not attracted to you and as such doesn't want to date.

There's nothing wrong with you or her.

2
_Chaotician•

Welcome to dating. Sometimes things go great and someone still just isn't interested in you. She told you she didn't feel a connection - I'm sure there's girls you know who are nice and ok to look at but you can't see yourself dating them for whatever reason. Even though maybe they're a great person. That's how she feels about you. Keep being friendly and move on, find someone who is sure theyd love to be with you.

2
MrGiantGentleman•

The "connection" she doesn't feel is probably out of her control. I'm sure there are (or will be) girls you meet that you like and enjoy hanging out with them, but aren't sexually attracted to. You may not even be sure why, and you never will be. It won't make sense but you can't get over it. That's the "connection". I've been told that before by women I've dated that I found somewhat attractive but I've been told by women I've dated that I considered way out of my league that I'm very attractive. You can't help it. You just have to accept it.

It's kind of like the stories you randomly see on Facebook about how the really attractive cheerleader is married to an overweight guy and she doesn't understand why people can't believe it. It's the connection like that, but in the negative sense. You're attracted to who you're attracted to and you can't help it. Doesn't mean you have to be rude to the person you're not attracted to, which is the approach she seemed to have been taking. She told you politely.

1
ninetimesoutaten•

Not all or even most relationships start with that immediate spark or connection. If she is only looking for that right off the bat, then she must not be very experienced with relationships. Point is, if she doesn't want a relationship, there is not much you can do to win her back over. She may realize later she was being dumb. Nothing much else you can do. Move on

-1
phaggymiscer•

You're not enough of a bad boy

-4