I just need a few shoulders to cry on...
So, I've been out to myself and my parents (and a few select friends and strangers) as trans for 4 years but haven't really done anything about it because I'm awkward like that. I do want to transition eventually though but I'm worried about my family's reaction. I have a huge and usually very loving and awesome family but the "worst" we have is my uncle getting divorced so I don't know how they would react to suddenly having a gay nephew/cousin/... instead of a straight niece/cousin/...
My dysphoria, if you can even call it that isn't very bad and I consider my female body more as an inconvenience. Most times, I can ignore my breast and my "downstairs region" and instead focus on my pretty wide shoulders and nice calves. I don't really feel like a certain gender when I'm just walking down the street anyways. Do people even do that?
I've been wearing almost exclusively clothes from the male section since I can think and tend to be read as pre-pubescent male more often than as a woman which is pretty nice but also incredibly awkward. The name I go by gives me away immediately though.
So I guess I'm doing pretty well but being me, since it isn't that urgent I tend to push my "proper" coming out into the future because of some very flimsy bad reason ("after i get home from my year abroad because being abroad is trouble enough without being trans", "when I transfer to the other university, don't wanna confuse my fellow students and ruin the female quota", "once I finished uni, I need to concentrate on my studies", ...).
I really do want to come out and transition and all that but it would involve a long time of awkwardness. I don't have to worry about a place to sleep or anything because my mum, my best friend and another friend, plus very likely a distant-ish cousin are very accepting. Well my mum doesn't know what to do with me but told me she loves me so yay. I'm just one of those people who doesn't want to inconvenience people. I tend to be the mother hen and make sure everyone is happy and being cared for and well, transitioning will be pretty inconvenient for everyone around me. I know that that isn't a good reason at all not to transition or even come out and live as a man without transitioning but it's so f***ing hard!
Any sage words of advice and/or kicks in the butt to just get it over with would be very much appreciated.
Oh, and going to a gender therapist before coming out would also be extremely awkward because my case worker at my health insurance is a childhood friend of my dad's and my dad still thinks it's just a phase...
Sorry for the rambling, here's a tl;dr: Too worried and awkward about coming out, please send hugs.
Edit: can't spell
Posted Aug 30, 2016, 2:32 AM UTC
I'm incredibly awkward about coming out and transitioning, too. But here's the thing:
Same, when I'm out and about with people I like, I'm always running around and handing out food/drinks or carrying things, haha. However, I have to disagree on the inconvenience part. I came out to my classmates and teachers in July, and it's really not that big of a deal. They're all trying to remember name and prounouns but other than that, they treat me the same as before. Just the dudes tend to include me more and ask me to join them doing sports, go swimming, having lunch, but that's the only difference really. One of my classmates is very religious but she simply says that she doesn't really agree on that, still treats me respectfully, doesn't ignore me at all etc. She's religious, I'm trans, so what. Diversity is nice. My teachers are incredibly nice and they have all changed the Mrs to Mr on their sheets. Most people's reaction was "thank you for telling me shrug where are we gonna have lunch?".
That aside, it's about your happiness, not some uni's quota, or what your dad's childhood friend might say. Changes are scary but they usually turn things around for the better.
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