Source
r/OCPoetry•
wooly-bumbaclot

Hi high, I've missed you too

Feedback Received!

when strange thoughts and unpleasant fictions
crawl from wall to wall in the rooms upstairs
my heart is sheathed in nettles
and i surround myself
in un-necessities.
but like the child in the sun
or the wandering tramps
of the moonlight beach
my watery soul leaks in between
every grain and atom
to borrow warmth and comfort
from this terrible, beautiful, holy life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/54ila0/12345/d82hnz5

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/54fc81/surely_goodness/d82huo6

Posted Sep 26, 2016, 11:43 AM UTC

14
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
jake_sb•

This. I was expecting more of a cathartic text when i read the title.

1
kiki_kitten•

The poem is good. The title had me thinking it was going in a different direction, but that's not a big deal. I liked your use of similes and metaphors, I for one use them all the time and it was nice to see new ones I've never thought of.

1
pseudonymousbach•

Contrary to the other posters, I actually liked the title of this with the poem. The title feels so familiar, and as simple as it is, it drew me in and kept me. I think it works.

I loved the lines "like the child in the sun / or the wandering tramps / of the moonlight beach". Such opposite pictures side by side, but it just really works, especially with the next few lines. Maybe I'm totally wrong here, but for me a child 'borrowing warmth and comfort' from the world is such a bright and easy and innocent picture, and then "tramps" borrowing that warmth is filled with more longing and desperation. Some days you're the child, some days you're the tramp. But you still seek the same thing. I really like the entire poem, but this latter half is really awesome for me.

This is exactly the kind of poetry I love to read, so I really don't have much here in the way of critique. For me, everything about this works.

1
wooly-bumbaclotOP•

Thanks so much, you nailed what I was trying to put into words. If you're into my stuff I had another account called dharma body that I forgot the password to, I posted some poems on that too. Thanks again though, appreciate the appreciation haha

1