see what we have asked of this land:
juicing zea jabbing through
chapped flats
see what we have asked of her soldiers:
contentment,
submerged alone in nuggets of
petrified human safetyglass
shower of obliterated abstracts;
white like love,
but no shards large enough to make out a face
Posted Oct 1, 2016, 11:07 PM UTC
This is deep, and very personal, the choice of words make it very difficult to understand. But at least you were honest, and you used words (or a variation thereof to) express those emotions.
I think I write mostly to permanently capture in-the-moment sentiments/sensations. (I have a very bad memory, and therefore a fear of impermanence.)
What appears to be deliberately-obscuring language is actually an attempt to do so as wholly as possible, for my own future reference.
Or at least, that's my best guess. Who knows how reliable a source we really are on ourselves, yeah?
Thank you for your time and your feedback. :)
So I'm going to through this stanza by stanza:
1st Stanza:
What is zea? Why does it need to be juiced? Why is it jabbing?
Are flats referring to the shoes? The type of apartments? Something else?
2nd Stanza:
Who is "her"?
Is human safety glass (it should be two words) referring to man-made safety glass or safety glass made out of humans?
3rd Stanza:
The reason I ask so many questions is that I fear that people may have trouble understanding this poem. Clearly there is a deep meaning to this poem and I can see that you put hard work into making it, but as a reader, not knowing much of what you are referring to, or in what context, makes the meaning of the poem obscured. Again, chalk this up to me simply not understanding, but that is also why I'm asking for clarification.
I will say that what I seem to get from the poem is that there is some sort of parasitic group, and even though they are clearly causing destruction, they (we) are forgiven. Correct me if I am not on the right track though.
First, I want to note how much it means to me that you've taken the time to so devoutly analyze my work. Like, it's a big deal.
I hope you know yourself how wonderful it is to be so read and critiqued.
-"Zea" is the Genus of field corn (aka maize,) and an affectionate term for it, in some way. It should've actually been "juiced," as in, comparing genetically engineered corn to steroid-using humans. It must "jab," because of the hardness of the over-tilled, clay-heavy soil in mid-Missouri farmland.
-the "chapped flats" are simply the fields, mistreated from ignorance of erosion management/general apathy toward excellence in agriculture.
-"her" is simply the land, the Earth. commonly feminine because of its maternal role in our existence.
-the "human safetyglass" is the emotional vessel of a rural/military man. the words are combined simply because that how it is said, most of the time.
I spent a few weeks in July interviewing veterans for a documentary and was compelled to write this upon reflection on my own rural upbringing and the battles I witnessed in so many emotionally-distant men.
It's not all that deep, really, in its fundamental sentiment: "look at how we destroy our home; look at how we destroy our men."
thank you again. :)
Well thank you for taking the time to give such an extensive reply! Now, after having a better grasp of the words and meanings behind them, I thoroughly enjoy this poem. You connect the images of nature and humanity quite well. Great work. I'm glad I wasn't totally off with my first guess :)