Source
r/OCPoetry•
archerninjawarrior

Everything over you

Feedback Received!

Everything over you

Their voices venture up the hall and stairs
Upon you, up and on around the sound
Will shatter all your amygdala's chairs,
The very seats of Arthur's table round.
The cowards sit in yours; how far you stray
And string what's strung, a spinning spillage head;
To spin what's spun, to string what's strung, and weigh
Your sighs' sizes seizing seizures, all but dead.
This stutter has to stop, in more than speech,
In every way you walk; your eyes and ears
Are jagged jaded curving things, so teach
Them how to iron—flatten all the tears.
If baby steps are needed, take your time;
It's better to be slow than force a rhyme.

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Posted Oct 1, 2016, 11:10 PM UTC · edited

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deadsheep98•

Wow. The last two lines are so impactful they almost gave me a chill. As well as that, the use of tongue-twisters like "sigh's sizes seizing seizures" and "string what's strung(...)" is clever and well done. I didn't quite understand the meaning of the poem, but that may just be me, not you.

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archerninjawarriorOP•

I explained a bit about the poem in the other comment if you are seeing this in your inbox and want to look

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NewVegasGod•

I'm having the same problem as the other commenter in not being able to totally decipher your poem. I am totally willing to assume this is my own fault, but given that the other commenter feels the same way, it might be worth looking in to.

That said, I think there's a lot of interesting manipulation of language in here. The only stutter seems to be the phrase, "sighs sizes seizing seizures." I think that alliteration maybe a bit on the nose, and I also have no clue what it is supposed to mean.

It's definitely an interesting poem, though.

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archerninjawarriorOP•

I definitely have a problem with knowing what is accessible and what isn't -- the poem makes sense to me, but I often go to the other extreme and explain everything in boring, solid detail in the poem. This was an attempt to break away from that

As for the specific line you mentioned, the build up of "to string what's strung" and the like shows a person overthinking what is already done and ruining himself in the process; it was inspired by the line in Hamlet "We spill ourselves in fearing to be spilt." You then weigh "your sigh's sizes" -- even the depth and heft of your sigh is being measured and negative conclusions being drawn if you are sighing "too" much, being "too" unhappy. This could then seize a seizure -- a panic that is thwarted by its own analysis of itself, which denies closure. It prevents you from venting. "All but dead" shows that you are going through everything, every emotion, every state, except death, and the overthinking and analysis of being everything "but dead" is meant to be overwhelming and unhealthy. The alliteration and sibilance is built to make you stall, stop and think just like the person to whom the poem is addressed, and then the narrator criticises both of you for it in the next line! The couplet along with the sibilance opens a meta interpretation where the narrator is actually discussing how to write a poem, dont overthink just take your time. I like to think how the person being spoken to lives his life and how he writes poetry aren't two seperate things.

That's my reading of the second half of the poem anyway.

I see how many leaps of logic there may be! Thanks for posting. Let me know if that makes it any clearer.

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ThisPromptIsThisLong•

This poem is a JOY to read! Seriously very fun, with the kind of slightly ambiguous meanings that cause rereading. I don't know what you mean at every step of the way but I could string together enough meaning to get to the end and the second "meta" interpretation about writing a poem is both clever and helpful in establishing some meaning to latch onto.

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