Source
r/relationships•
6yearswasted

I [23M] found out my girlfriend [20F] of six years cheated on me

Relationships

I just found out like an hour ago. She drove over to my apartment and I came out to her car and she told me she slept with someone this past Thursday. I literally don't know what to do with my life anymore. She was it. And I thought I was hers. We basically became adults with each other, our families are all intertwined after 6 years of being together. Like this is the absolute last thing I would ever expect. She's said many times in the past how cheating is the absolute worst thing a person can do to someone and then she goes and fucking does it.

I've spent the last 6 years of my life living for her. She has a really shitty home life and when we met in high school I was the only constant, stable thing she had in her life. All 4 years of college I would drive the hour and a half to see her almost every weekend, sacrificing anything I could have been doing on those weekends at school with friends or whatever. I am who I am today because of her. She's influenced every single thing in my life. I literally don't know what to do anymore. Everything reminds me of her.

We've had talks in the past 6 months about things about me that she maybe wanted me to change or that she didn't particularly find attractive. Mostly the fact that I'm a passive person my nature and I don't really express my emotions much. And I know thats a fault of mine, and I've tried to work on it.

I know none of this post is really very coherent, I'm kind of just trying to get my words out because I don't know what the fuck to do with myself. Like the thought of sitting and talking and hugging her comforts me at the same time that it absolutely fucking infuriates me. I want to sob and scream and break something all at the same time. I dedicated my life to her and she shit on it. I don't know what to do. I guess I came here to see if anyone had advice for how to deal with this?

I'm not suicidal so don't worry about that. But nothing feels like it has any point anymore.. I start to do something and then I just stop and say "what the fuck am I doing". How could she do this to me. I've given her everything.

I just wanted to come here in hopes of someone to listen and maybe have some advice. I don't feel like proofreading so sorry if there are mistakes or anything doesn't make sense.

tl;dr: GF of 6 years cheated on me. I'm fucking lost

edit: It's hard to feel much right now but I'm really glad there are people in the world that will take the time to reach out to a random internet stranger to make him/her feel better. You guys are all special people. Thank you.

Posted Oct 16, 2016, 9:21 PM UTC · edited

39
billrobertson1234•

That sucks, and I'm so sorry this has happened. Whatever you do, remember that a partner who tells you that it's your fault they cheated is gas lighting you big time. She made the decision to do that, not you.

You will have to decide if this relationship can, or is something you want to, be saved. It won't be easy, and it will take 100% determination from both of you. It's a tough choice either way, and I wish you the best in this.

4
billrobertson1234•

Sorry, I didn't read this very well. Your emotions are normal. After 6 years, this will be a hell of a shock. Make sure you take care of yourself. Eat healthy, do things for exercise even if you don't enjoy doing them, spend time with friends and family. Keep doing normal life things and life will come back. You can only do it one day at a a time, just keep doing it every day. And again, all the best.

3
6yearswastedOP•

I'm trying. Right now it's minute by minute. I really appreciate the kind words.

2
Terribledragon4Hire•

Shifty deal. It will be better with time.

It was not fair for her to try and change you. Get over this betrayal and find someone who will accept you for you.

Because you families are so connected the best thing is to be straight forward with them and say we broke up. Don't discuss, don't elaborate.

3
LadyCrazyCat•

That's absolutely awful. I'm so sorry it happened to you. Nobody deserves to feel the way you do.

To help you look on the bright side:

  1. You're young and there are so many wonderful people who you can make a life with in this world.
  2. The relationship was obviously flawed. Thank goodness you found out now and you can have a clean break - a divorce is no joke and expensive
  3. You have an opportunity to put yourself first for the first time in 6 years. Attend to your needs. Get an awesome new haircut or outfit (girly, but trust me it helps) Do things you like to do. Get healthy. Start a new hobby. Make new friends. Re-discover yourself.

Focus on yourself and the positive. Take it day by day. I have seen girls do worse to nice guys. They've healed beautifully and as long as YOUR attitude is right you will heal too. Wishing you the very best.

3
6yearswastedOP•

It's still just hard because even doing stuff like going shopping makes me just realize that I have a sense of style because she taught me to. And she is the reason that I try new foods. I used to be the pickiest eater until she came along. I don't know. Everything just reminds me of her. It's hard.

Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot.

2
FlyingRyan87•

It doesn't matter if it's 6 months or 6 years if someone cheats once they will most likely cheat twice, the reason for her cheating could be a list of anything but the fact is she cheated. The question really is can you continue this relationship knowing this and that it could potentially happen again and also finding another person to love isn't a bad thing you can find someone else who will be more faithful and make 6 or more greater years then you might have just experienced, I hope things get better for you

2
ender_less•

I know you're going through a gambit of emotions right now. It sucks man, I've been there before, and I don't envy you in the slightest. Having suck a big bombshell dropped on your lap is horrible!

I'm a passive person my nature and I don't really express my emotions much. And I know thats a fault of mine, and I've tried to work on it.

It's important to remember: no matter your faults, no matter your short comings, you do not deserve to be cheated on. Was there things that you could have done better in the relationship? Perhaps, but it doesn't matter in the slightest. She chose to cheat on you instead of working through your problems (or breaking up) and she is to blame 100%.

I guess I came here to see if anyone had advice for how to deal with this?

Wish I could say that there was a silver bullet to end this in one night. Sadly, there isn't, and you will likely feel the affects of this for a while. The most important thing to do is focus on yourself and what you're going to do moving forward. Talk to friends/family and lean on them for support (they don't need to know the whole story). Take up a new hobby or re-start an old hobby. Hit the gym and vent your frustrations there (great way to blow off steam). Whatever it takes man, focus on putting one foot in front of the other and moving past all of this.

2
[deleted]•

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