Thanks for the reply. Glad you enjoyed and really appreciate the feedback.

I think what you're saying is incorrect. You can definitely have a stress on fy in pacify. It can be read as **pac**-i-fy or **pac**-i-**fy** depending on the tempo of the reader and context. I think your tendency is to read lines quickly, which doesn't make sense in a sonnet.  
  
It also rhymes because the vowel sounds after the respective consonants are the same. 

There are some Grade A rhymes sprinkled in there (costume/perfume, lie/pacify).  The choice and flow of the words, as well as the commitment to complete sentences, made this a very natural thing to read aloud, something I feel that gets overlooked by poets.

This was a pleasant piece.

Thanks for the comment. Glad you liked it. There are definitely one or two lines that need a bit of work to get the flow just right so I'm gonna need to hammer those out over the next few days. Thanks again.

I thought this poem was very sweet, and I liked a lot of the nature imagery.

>like Summer empties spring

and

>And every empty sadness shall release.

>Though Winter may strip naked every tree

>in Winter for us Summer it will be.

are all gorgeous lines. If I were to give any feedback on the piece, it would be to clean up a few of the rhymes. Begin rhymes with in, but it's a wrenched rhyme; that is, the "in" in Begin is an unstressed syllable, while in by itself is a stressed syllable.

But other than that tiny thing, I thought this poem was beautiful, and the nature imagery was enjoyable! Nice work :)


Thanks for the hugely detailed feedback. I'll definitely be taking this into consideration on my next attempt. I've not been writing particularly long. Only really a couple of months but quite a while of reading poetry and reading about it. I'm finding writing in stricter forms is helping with any free verse stuff I do simply because it's forced me to consider wording etc. more so when the constraints are removed I'm more economical with words. Thanks again for your comment.

I feel like this deserves a lot more upvotes. The thing I love the most about this is the rhythm. It feels natural and smooth. Have you been writing for a long time? I ask because your writing suggests a lot of hard work in order to develop a sophisticated ear.  
  
The only line that feels a little off is line 5. Costume, to me at least, sounds like a trochaic word, i.e. the stress is on the first syllable, not the last.  
  
There are some amazing lines here as pointed out by others. Especially the last two lines and the first.  
  
Now I want to talk about the content of your work. Sonnets usually have a volta somewhere. A volta is a sudden change from one point of view to another. Normally, a sonnet starts with a problem or negative situation and then at the volta there's a revelation or a change to the positive.  
  
When you're writing a sonnet, it's good to have an idea of what your problem will be and how you intend to solve it (usually that involves the love interest as a solu

Thanks for the comment. The language definitely does sound dated but that is intentional to a degree as the poem was written for someone so the antiquated language is marginally tongue in cheek. Having said that I know it doesn't work in some areas.


Thanks for you comment. Really appreciate it.

You caught me by the first line. What a beautiful simile! I thought you missed fall, but I could be wrong. The only line that tripped me was "A banquet in my life now does begin" because of the wording. I really enjoyed the last two lines though. I want to point out that you used a form of empty three times in your poem which is okay, but something I noticed which I'd rather not. It's a minor, picky thing. Great writing nonetheless! Happy writing/reading!

Edit: just wanted to say I'm sorry for how jumpy my feedback is. it's been a long day.

    You empty me like Summer empties Spring
    And blossoms, though in Winter did retreat
    While weakly onto life they tried to cling,
    Now once again in Summer are complete.
    Now every life is living in costume
    And every dawn, like lace, does softly lie
    On flowers as they gently spray perfume 
    And every errant sorrow pacify.  
    A banquet in my life now does begin
    And sweeter tasting every day I lease
    As I relish every moment you are in
    And every empty sadness shall release.
        Though Winter may strip naked every tree 
        In Winter for us Summer it will be.  

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/582xl3/girl_by_the_sea/d8x6kko) [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/57xn6a/threeliner/d8vrvao)
    

Summer's Sonnet