I feel like you focus unnecessarily on rhyming. Certainly, rhyming can be a useful and effective tool in a poet's belt, but here it seems to inhibit your freedom to really speak. I think the best example of what I mean is the line "Don't leave me reeling"

To me, this line feels particularly weak, especially coming right after the two simple-but-effective lines before it: "Darlin, say my name / Once more with feeling"

I just don't know that "Don't leave me reeling" really encapsulates what you're trying to get across, it doesn't really show how desperately the speaker wants to hear his/her name.

This trend appears throughout the poem, and I would say consider strengthening the "Inferno" feel to the poem before making sure the rhymes are perfect. Really paint me a good word picture of what you're trying to convey. 

Just something to consider. Great work so far!

There is only two small things that i would change if were you  
The first is the three first lines. I would change them to
 
*She looks and smell  
Like a daydream in hell  
Surrounded by flames*  

and find another rhyme that fits in with flames.  
I find that with what you wrote, there is a lack of rhythm in the beginning.

The second change i would make, is to take the two lines  

*The devil just might  
Care what we do tonight*

and make them into one long line.

Other than that i really liked it. Keep on writing!


a couple of the lines and some of the wording i would change. However the underlying idea of the poem is intriguing 

She looks and smells

Like a daydream in hell

Surrounded by flames

Darlin, say my name

Once more with feeling

Don't leave me reeling

The water's on fire

My drowning desire

The temperature's rising

Demoralizing

The devil just might

Care what we do tonight

The angels will cry

Without batting an eye

We're invincible here

Can't you tell, my dear?

-som

*I don't know why I only post here when I'm drunk... I suppose destruction makes for better poetry than apologies. I'm always looking to improve. The poem feels a bit unfinished, so let me know what you'd like to see more of.*

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/59k48x/operator/)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/59keap/may_it_be/)