Source
r/OCPoetry•
wyck_thayer

Operator

Feedback Received!

We all have cranes in our chests,
wrecking balls between our legs and

there’s so much damage to be done
inside porcelain skin. To break
is to be human; to break others
is to still be human.

Yes, you’re alone but
the pieces are easy to pick up.
Yes, you’re alone but
wrecking balls are easy to polish.
See! It’s unavoidable.
Feel! It’s so heavy.
Yes, you’re alone
but a crash feels like something.

Peel eyes wide to the toppling;
hidden, the termite sharpening its teeth.

Hold tight to your exploding chest;
ignored, the water’s been seeping in, green.

Embrace the momentum of the wrecking ball;
never noticed, the finger on the lever.

1 | 2

Posted Oct 26, 2016, 9:11 PM UTC

56
wyck_thayerOP•

Just a new idea I'm playing around with. Feedback is much appreciated!

2
bobbness•

I like the concept, especially the lines about breaking and breaking others being part of human nature.

Nit-picky complaint, and this goes for anyone reading, give "porcelain skin" a rest. This is the second poem today on this sub that has used it. Cliches should be avoided at all costs in poetry, unless you're turning the phrase completely on its head.

Keep writing!

2
politicalridicule•

This guy pretty much covers it. There are many ways to describe the emotions you try to display, put some passion of thought into it.

Also, probably a very personal thing, but Fitzgerald once said "to use exclamation points is like laughing at your own joke." Perhaps, in poetry, this is different, but I can agree with him on that statement.

0
cloningblues•

This was a good read. I liked the comparisons between the topic at hand and a demolition site. The imagery stemming from that decision turned out to be pretty vivid. Repetition was used effectively without dominating the standalone lines too, so kudos for that. Porcelain skin is becoming a fairly common phrase, but it was used appropriately in a pretty solid poem, so I can't complain.

1
Generic_CW•

I second the previous user's comment about porcelain skin.

Interesting imagery, especially the second line about "wrecking balls between our legs" - this leads me to believe the poem has something to do with the destruction of infidelity? Or perhaps just a toxic relationship in general?

You're on to something here, keep up the good work.

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wyck_thayerOP•

Thanks for the comments. I was trying to write a poem about an observation I've made: When things go wrong (specifically in a relationship) there's so much focus on the "wrecking ball" or the big things that happen and are really publicly destructive, to the point where I feel like a "wrecking ball" itself has become a cliche. I was trying to embrace that cliche and then flip it at the end. When a house (or relationship) gets torn down by a wrecking ball it hides/ignores a lot of the subtler but equally as destructive things that were going on. In this metaphor: termites, water damage, and the person who is actually controlling the wrecking ball.

1