Source
r/ForeverAlone•
Pickled_Wizard

What hurts me the most

I had a realization today. Personally, what hurts me the most about being FA isn't the lack of a significant other. It isn't the lack of friends or the awkward way that people seem to "tolerate" my presence, but never welcome it. It isn't the hours and hours of time spent alone, wondering why I'm such a garbage pile of a human being.
What hurts most is that deep down, I feel like I deserve all of this. I let myself be fat, I don't reach out to others, and I run away from my responsibilities. I deserve it for always riding the fence when it came to social groups when I was a kid, thus never forming a strong self-identity. I deserve it for always trying to be agreeable and avoid conflict, to the point where I'm not even sure what I agree with. I deserve it for never having anything interesting to say, because I can't take a strong stance on anything. I deserve it for never growing a spine.
But mostly, I deserve it because I never pushed myself to be better. Not long enough to matter, anyway.

Posted Nov 2, 2016, 5:11 PM UTC

5618
Nyghtshroude•

I know I fucking don't deserve the shit in my life, OP.

Never fucking say you deserve it.

22
JockeyQuan•

I do tho. I made zero effort to try and improve my situation and tbh i don't even know if i want to anymore.

7
NoKnewNamesLeft•

Never fucking say you deserve it.

There's a difference between saying that you deserve it and acknowledging that you've caused some of the consequences.

I didn't "deserve" a shitty life, but I realized that a lot of it was my fault. Arguably you could say this is deserving it in a sense; you reap what you sow.

But my point is that for some of us the first step out is realizing that a lot of your fuck ups are in your control.

However I understand how FA works and wouldn't dare try to pass this off as general advice for all. It of course is very situational depending on why exactly you're FA. Again, for myself it's mainly my fault.

2
tirmanadir•

There are fucking rapists and murderers in prison getting sent love letters every day. You don't fucking deserve this, none of us do.

17
WildflowerSunshine•

Cue the "they have average or above average facial features" comment. Kidding. I agree, no one deserves to feel disposable.

3
Pickled_WizardOP•

I'm not saying I deserve it in a moral sense, more that it's mostly my own actions/lack of action that has landed me here. I'm kind of ugly, but my weight, low self esteem/confidence and social issues are bigger contributors to being FA.

1
Board_Gaming•

If you let yourself be fat, you can let yourself be fit too. (Should this be a bumper sticker?)

16
Polokhov•

Except that becoming fat involves abandoning self-control, while becoming fit involves greatly increasing it. They're pretty much diametrically opposed.

12
Pickled_WizardOP•

I'm working on. Depression has a habit of throwing a wrench into the works. Not trying to use that as an excuse, just saying it's one more obstacle.

1
pinkangel89Former FA who married a former FA•

...is being so close

Having so much to say

And watching you walk away

11
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
boison024•

The great thing about that is that you have some power over your deepest insecurity. Assess your values and make a decision. I'm always open for exercise advice!

6
KingZiptie•

Fortunately in terms of weight, you can right this one aspect of your current situation. In fact, you can go beyond not being fat and actually become ripped. Mesomorphic or Endomorphic body types quite easily build muscle, but struggle (especially endomorphic) to lose fat. I am ectomorphic, so Im not fat but it is an absolute bitch to put on muscle mass or maintain it (I stop working out, I start to shrink back to skinny).

Beyond your weight though, its important to realize you do not deserve this at all. A human society most able to support high population numbers must necessarily be one where the masses as well as the "elite" have control over the future of the species.

Where I'm going with this: the greatest crime of the modern age is absolutely astronomical wealth inequality. Wealth inequality creates a reality where a small group of elite men (whether it be at a college party or on a national/global level) control almost entirely the future of a given social sphere. The vast majority (the "masses") can do little more than be a cog in their machine.

Most FA's feel as they do and struggle with feelings of inadequacy due to a subconscious or even conscious realization of their own lack of power within their social sphere. This is a societal problem largely created by government being subverted by corporate and financial institutions and is NOT your fault. You are one of many people who are suppressed from having real power by an elite few who essentially control policy (which trickles down- hence the materialistic and shallow aims of society which glorify 1) wealth 2) appearance while excluding other forms of efficacy not related to what these elites possess).

No, I am not suggesting there is some conspiracy where some group of men meet in a dark room (its possible but I doubt it). By "elite" men I mean those who possess movie star looks or extreme levels of financial wealth. To gain such wealth, a very heartless approach must be taken- you must use other people as tools to your success without caring for their feelings, etc. This is an impossibly complicated subject to discuss; it is fragmented, and I dont think even the "elite" few realize what they are doing collectively to society.

Try not to beat yourself up, and certainly dont ever think you deserve to be treated like shit. In fact, you deserve exactly the opposite. You deserve to be treated with respect, and when others refuse, CALL THEM ON IT. Demand to be treated with respect or unfortunately others will walk all over you (men and women alike). In terms of the societal aspect of my response, this will not be fixed until the masses take control of government and divorce it from corporate and financial interests. Unfortunately, not enough people have realized this problem and still preach the gospel of our current world governance.

5
Spartan-X•

Don't be like this. Think like Adam.

 

"I never asked for this".

4
[deleted]•

[deleted]

3
Exhumed•

It's not your fault.

3
CardiothAttractive Male•

Sounds like you need to make a list!

http://imgur.com/Vs3ymIR

When I made this I turned my life around.

1
Pickled_WizardOP•

I may just do that

2
[deleted]•

[removed]

1