Pickled_Wizard

Hey everyone, I'm working through Star Trek: The Next Generation and just came across this episode.

Basically, a low level member of the crew is very reclusive and has significant trouble performing his duties, partially due to shyness/insecurity and partially due to spending a lot of time, well, avoiding reality in the holodeck.

It resonated a lot with me and I was curious to see what others take on it is. Especially as it relates to AvPD.

Self-indulgent rant incoming:

I'm not morbidly obese or anything, and it's far from the only thing holding me back, but I spent my entire 20s being overweight. Last year, I was able to get down from 230 lbs to 205, but then got hit full speed by the depression truck and went back up to 230. Being overweight is one of my biggest insecurities, and losing weight is the most immediate way I can think of to improve myself.

For the first time in years, I finally met someone that I crushed hard on, obviously the feelings were not mutual, and it made me realize just what I've been missing all this time. So, I might have missed the boat on this person, but I'm going to be fucking ready next time.

Of all the issues that come with depression, maybe this is a minor one. But I really hate that I don't ever get excited about anything "good" that's coming up. Honestly, it's been so long that I don't even really understand how people get worked up about movies, dinners, concerts, whatever.
The best I can muster is "it probably won't be terrible". I'll play along and say I'm looking forward to it, but really, it's always just "a thing that is going to happen".

Naw, just kidding. I love you guys, even when we disagree pretty strongly.

I just want to remind everyone that even if you are FA/depressed/ugly/weird/autistic, whatever other negative labels you apply to yourself:
That is NOT ALL that you are!

Please don't allow these traits to define your identity. That's the surest way to stay limited by them.

What positive attributes do you have? What are you proud of?
Hell, what everyday tasks do you excel at?
Are a good driver? An avid reader?
Are you good with car maintenance?
Know how to do things most people never seem to figure out?
Even the tiniest, most trivial thing is a good answer.

Here's where the eye rolling, sa

I just had a highdea about confidence, and wondered what you all would think:
what we call confidence is really a measure of how certain someone is that they won't be kicked out of their "tribe". Everyone (well normies anyway) has a tribe. For some it's family, for some it's a particular group of friends, for some it really is their coworkers.
Now, getting kicked out doesn't necessarily mean you won't be present in the same space, such as work or home, but that you won't really be emotionally connected with that group anymore.

So, people who are very confident feel like they could do very little to be ostracized by their "tribe". In their mind, it's not even really a possibility, or

So, in an effort to improve my social skills, I bought a book about body language. My reasoning is that even if it doesn't help me make friends, I'll have a better idea of where I actually stand with people and can make a conscious effort to not act so cold. But that's a little off-topic.
While reading the section about smiling, I realized that I don't physically smile correctly. The corners on my mouth don't curl up at all. Looking through old pictures, I don't think I've ever smiled correctly. Some people might say that it's because I don't actually feel happy, so it's a fake smile, but it's more than that. It's like I just pull the corners of my mouth back, but not up. After a few min

So, I've made it a whole month so far! It hasn't really had an extreme impact on my life, but I wasn't spending entire days on gaming anyway. I'm still glad that I quit.
Things I'm doing instead: reading more, studying more. I feel like I have more patience in trying to accomplish things, not expecting immediate gratification. At the same time, there are still things I need to work on.
I just want to thank everyone in this sub. You are all awesome people and I wish you the best in your endeavors and in staying strong.

I had a realization today. Personally, what hurts me the most about being FA isn't the lack of a significant other. It isn't the lack of friends or the awkward way that people seem to "tolerate" my presence, but never welcome it. It isn't the hours and hours of time spent alone, wondering why I'm such a garbage pile of a human being.
What hurts most is that deep down, I feel like I deserve all of this. I let myself be fat, I don't reach out to others, and I run away from my responsibilities. I deserve it for always riding the fence when it came to social groups when I was a kid, thus never forming a strong self-identity. I deserve it for always trying to be agreeable and avoid conflict

So, I've finally made the decision to stop gaming. Why?
Because I have a hundred other things to spend my time on.
Because I'm sure I've wasted entire months of my life.
Because after a lifetime of getting "rewards" for just a few hours of effort, I no longer have the patience to work on things that are worthwhile and actually take some time to accomplish.

I was never really hardcore into gaming, but it's become a way for me to hide from my responsibilities and continually postpone the things I really want to do.
I have other problems, but this one is a major step for me. I'm excited to start this journey towards being a better man.

Update: 10/11/16
Well, I picked up the co