some haiku
lazy gnawing
upon garden herbs
a delinquent rabbit?
winking--
clouds passing moon
a casket
a floral note
surprises teacup
fallen petal
Posted Nov 3, 2016, 12:03 PM UTC
811
The first one has in my opinion the best imagery, the 2nd one has ok imagery, and the last one seems a bit confusing to me.
2
For the second haiku:
"A casket" alludes to death and mourning, but a casket is first closed, then opens for a body to be put in it, then it closes again after the funeral vigil. This is the opposite of "clouds passing moon" because it is Dark, casket closed; then Light, open casket; then Dark, casket closed for burying. The moments of "light" represent life and memories and "dark" represent loss and mourning. It is about a good friend that died from cancer.
For the third haiku:
This is all about the senses that are used to appreciate life.
In gongfu cha tastes are called "notes", but the word also refers to sound of "fallen petal". A big part of taste is smell which many times in tea "floral" is a scent.
1
I really like these. The images they draw in my mind are fresh and clear. The third one is a bit of a mystery to me, however, with the grammar and all. May I ask what precisely it was supposed to describe? I think my favorite was the second one, I really like the image of 'winking' clouds passing the moon.
2
Thanks for your comment.
The third poem was inspired when a few years ago I was practicing gongfu cha (chinese tea ceremony) outside in the fall. As I poured the tea into the cup I closed my eyes to appreciate the moment and smell the aroma of the tea. Taking a sip there was something different about the tea. The tea is rich and bold, but there was a vegible hint in taste.
I opened my eyes and looked in the little cup and I found a pretty petal in it!
a floral note
"Notes" is a term for taste. Some tea have smoky notes, some have nutty notes. This haiku focuses on that tiny petal. I also wanted to refer "note" as in musically - the sound of it touching the tea
"Floral" also is a common way to describe smell in a tea.
Taste and smell are two connected senses and why I decided to place those words together.
surprises teacup
Surprise is ambiguous and can be of delight, confusion, and revelation to something unexpected, just as I had been when I found the petal! I bet the tea was likely amused as well.
fallen petal
Where I was sitting was under a tree. One of its flower's petals must of fell into the cup as I had my eyes closed. This line is about sight.
All in all, the haiku was meant to place all the human senses into one poem to create a satisfying and beautiful snapshot in time. I believe one of the primary purposes of haiku is to make ordinary moments extraordinary as we can appreciate and see the beauty in the little moments of life. Kobayashi Issa, one of the four great masters of haiku was great at this as much of his haiku involved little things like crickets and fleeting moments.
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Why did you decide to use "fallen petal" as opposed to fallen "fallen petals"?
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The haiku highlights the experience of what happens at the teacup and to capture the moment of this one individual petal which alters an experience by its little self. "Petals" would be a more wide-lens in imagery that would include multiple characters (many petals) instead of specifying the one petal that actually causes the delightful moment.
1
That makes sense. I was reading it as a floral-y tea surprising tea cups that weren't used often and were normally tucked away. the tea cups were also had a pretty and decorative, but didn't get much use anymore. hence fallen petals instead of fallen petal. It's a very different feel than what you were going for though.
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Ooooooh~ That is a great take on it! It is fitting in a sense because yixing teaware (if left unused) need to be boiled in water to remove dust and any built up bacteria. This also removes the gradient of taste that yixing ware cultivates due to its porous surface.
I can imagine a teacup being startled by the sudden use after long periods of not seeing any action!
Great interpretation!
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The first one and second one seem to mirror each other, it was interesting to think about if I should take it in as one piece or as three separate pieces. Also, I'm curious why a delinquent rabbit is so surprising?
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All of them are separate haiku with no connection to each other.
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I like the first one, it evokes many a memory of scaring away delinquents.