Source
r/relationships•
katphat

Me [23F] with my SO [24 M] of 5 years who I love but who I've been emotionally abusive towards recently

Relationships

I know it sounds bad, but please read the whole post!

There's a lot more to it, but I am very in love with my boyfriend who is nothing but amazing. Yet, recently I haven't treated him the way he deserves to be treated and find myself to be very emotionally abusive when it comes to our arguments. (Gas-lighting, sometimes giving the cold shoulder, outburts, etc.) But throughout our relationship, I have improved massively but feel this might not be enough.

Our most recent argument was over his lady friend he gets along with that I get insanely jealous of and upset whenever he would bring her up. I don't stop them from hanging out, but he can tell I'm very upset when he leaves to hang out with his friends and leaves me at home alone. I felt very dependent on him especially since we moved and I haven't been able to make any friends since, but his friends happen to live in the area so he's been having a great time.

I'm doing my best to change my ways, going out alone, going to therapy, and we are taking a short break to get me to sort my things out, but I am worried my behavior will return and that our relationship will end because of it. Is breaking up in the end the right thing to do?

tl;dr: I feel like my emotionally abusive behavior towards my boyfriend has ceased, but worry it will come back after our temporary break. I love him more than anything, but I don't know if I should still try to make our relationship work or if I should prevent more damage from happening?

Posted Nov 6, 2016, 4:00 AM UTC

27
beepbeepboopbeepbop•

Oh god come on! It's not her boyfriends responsibility to fix her social life! He's allowed to "leave her home alone" to go see his friends because she's an adult and should get a hobby so that she doesn't go into a jealous frenzy.

I frequently and almost exclusively hang out with my friends without my BF. He has his own friends and if he didn't, my friends aren't just substitutes! He would need to connect with people who have similar interests as him, which my film geek friends generally don't.

I don't feel bad for her, as it sounds like he makes time for her. OP doesn't get to monopolize his time.

1
katphatOP•

I appreciate the honesty. I'm working on making some new friends in the area so I hope it solves the issue.

1
Toenailsforever•

"" but he can tell I'm very upset when he leaves to hang out with his friends and leaves me at home alone.""

And yet he continues to leave you home alone, lonely, without friends, while he goes out and has a good time? Why aren't you invited along?

You don't sound that bad especially since you admit to it, most people exhibiting "abusive" behaviors can't even admit to it soooo I wonder if you really are abusive or if he has told you that you are and you believe it?

I mean personally I would be sad if my man left me home alone knowing I didn't have friends in our new area, that actually seems pretty rude on his part unless you don't want to join him

-1
katphatOP•

Thanks for the comment. Yeah, it's a weird situation because I actually have known his friends and he has invited me along in the past, but I'm very different from them and can't contribute to their conversations so I am usually singled out or not really talking. I guess I should try hanging out with them again.

1
Toenailsforever•

I actually feel bad for YOU girl. That sounds lonely as fuck. Are you happy in this relationship other than this?

1
katphatOP•

I am. My bf makes time for me other than when he wants to see his friends. Haha but thank you for joining me in my pity party.

1
Toenailsforever•

Hahah it's cool, I hope you can make some friends and have fun on your own!

1