Source
r/relationships•
slinkystumpy

My [24F] roommate [25F] is emotionally and physically abusive towards her boyfriend [28M]. Give a warning or eviction notice?

Non-Romantic

I have been subletting to my roommate for about 6 months now, and I would say things have been tolerable for the most part. Her boyfriend is not technically a roommate, but spends the night 6/7 days a week. He also relies on her for transportation in the morning to work, so he is always around.

Lately, they have been fighting more and more. The last physical altercation between them that I witnessed was probably about 2-3 months ago, and she gave me her word that it would not happen again in the house again.

Last week, her boyfriend told me that a fight over her being late to work turned physical when he tried to leave the (parked) vehicle and walk to work. She charged at him and attempted to physically drag him back to the car, on the side of the freeway on-ramp. When that didn't work, she resorted to threatening to jump in traffic.

Fast forward to today, they start fighting about something in her room. I hear him asking her to stop hitting him, to let him go, And let him calm down. She replies by screaming (at the top of her lungs) that he makes her this way, and he needs to stay and hold her to calm her down. He verbalizes needing personal space, and again verbalizes that he doesn't want to be hit. She responds by telling him that it's not "that hard. "

Anyways, my live-in boyfriend [27M] and I intervened and explained we would be calling the police if it continued. I am at the point that I want to give her an eviction notice, but my boyfriend thinks that we should give her a warning to "shape-up" first. I don't know if a warning would do much but give her room to escalate. Just to be clear, we are on a month to month lease. Can anyone shed any light on the most appropriate measure to take?

Tl;dr: roommate is abusive to her boyfriend. I can't handle it anymore. My boyfriend thinks we should give her a "warning". I want to kick her out.

Posted Nov 6, 2016, 4:03 AM UTC

1310
miawalrus•

Please call the police. The idea that they've already been in several altercations (physical and emotional) is appalling and needs to be handled IMMEDIATELY.

22
slinkystumpyOP•

Should I file a domestic dispute claim after the fact? Just so it's in the system?

5
miawalrus•

Definitely your call, but I think it's the right thing to do as they exist for cases like this.

8
thatgreenevening•

Evict her and give him a list of local resources for battered partners

11
slinkystumpyOP•

Already collecting resources for him! Thanks.

3
ahfuckitt•

Kick her out! She already promised it wouldn't happen again in the house, and yet it has.

6
BabsRogers•

What are the terms of your agreement? If you don't have any rules written down, I think it's high time you did now. Changes will have to be made or she needs to be out by the end of the month.

6
slinkystumpyOP•

We have a pretty standard 30 day lease. Do you think it's reasonable to set rules limiting screaming, as well as physical violence?

3
BabsRogers•

I think so. It's not something I would want if I was responsible for the goings-on in your home.

So can you end the lease at any time for any reason? Then I believe I would do just that, without mentioning all of these other things you've mentioned in your OP. It just seems like the most peaceful way of ending it for you, especially with her potential for aggressive behavior. Is having this woman as a roommate really worth possible police involvement?

5
slinkystumpyOP•

Per California law I can just give her 30 day notice. I agree with that sentiment, I think bringing it all up will just upset her.

5
MissColombia•

So you don't need to worry about evicting her. Give her the 30 days notice that you will not be renewing her lease.

You can not live with a person who commits domestic violence. You can certainly call the police to report the incidents but if her boyfriend chooses not to cooperate, it may not go far. I doubt you would get a protective order that keeps her from the property since you were not the victim and boyfriend doesn't technically live there.

Tell her ASAP that you are not renewing her lease.

2
katphat•

Just wanted to leave a comment and say you're doing the right thing. It's hard for people to take the responsibility for others, but in the end you're helping the both of them.

5