Source
r/OCPoetry•
Alimoose

[Children's Poem] Chicken Pox

Feedback Received!

I woke up so itchy and covered in spots

Mom says she thinks I’ve got chicken pox

But I’m not a chicken, or I wasn’t at least

Could this mean my mouth will turn to a beak?

Will I lay eggs forever and ever?

And will I grow wings and be covered in feathers?

That doesn’t sound great, but at least I could fly!

Wait, chickens don’t fly, at least not that high

Maybe I won’t have to worry, shh, listen

I think I just heard mom say dinner is chicken

Oh, no…

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Posted Nov 11, 2016, 4:33 AM UTC · edited

64
[deleted]•

I hate kids. But I love this poem.

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inb4someoneStoleName•

I like that it doesn't rhyme completely in most of the line pairs. It adds to the first-person naivete of the continual pun and not knowing whether chickens can fly.

I think the "flow" from line to line could be improved somewhat. Somehow line 5 doesn't seem to fit; maybe "And" should be added at the start?

1
AlimooseOP•

I was actually thinking the same thing about line 5. Ill probably add that in. Thanks for the constructive criticism!

2
bbgun91•

Mom says she thinks I’ve got chicken pox

It might have been intentional, but I noticed that this would flow better with the previous line if it were, "My mom says she thinks that I've got chicken pox"

But I’m not a chicken, or I wasn’t at least

Same thing, "But I'm not a chicken, or wasn't at least"

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